WALKING IT OUT

HOPE? yes Hope!

2010-07-25T15:42:00.000-04:00

There have been many sermons that this little head has drown in, and some sermons simply confused me, yet others left me in tears for the HOPE I heard about but didn't know how to apply.

I have often heard this verse which supposed to promise Hope as the King James Version: "To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory:" It goes on to then further describe some complicated non-english stuff.

Many pastors in the current churches just skipped over the "God would make known" section and quote, "Christ in you, the hope of glory". And as well and good any of those sermons may have been, I was lacking the ability to find hope when my life seemed hopeless.

In the New Living Translation of the Bible I have found some help in understanding the text.

Colossians 1:27 "For God wanted them to know that the riches and glory of Christ are for you Gentiles, too. And this is the secret: Christ lives in you. This gives you assurance of sharing his glory."

WOW... So, IT WAS A SECRET!!! HAHAHAHAHA, But the secret was in the verse all along.

Christ gives me the assurance of sharing in His glory. And WHAT are the benefits of this seems to be what the first portion of the verse declares, God wanted us to share the riches and glory of Christ. To clarify, my personal position and from what I read in other portions of the bible, this glory is not found in being on American Idol, or finding our bust cast in the local museum, but rather living victoriously.

So, when we temper this verse now with my new understanding, I find this Psalm so much more soothing.

Psalm 71:14

But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.

For those people who want to verify that Christ in fact lives in me, you can read the complete teaching in Galations 2 which explains how we die to our own spirit by our own free will and Christ comes to dwell with us.

My point was always that I never knew how to apply the illusive HOPE. Well, I am here to tell you that in hopeless situations I am not always remembering any bible verses. So, when I eventually turn to God in prayer I realize, I am meant to be hopeless when it comes to my own abilities, but when I acknowledge that I have eternal hope and the weapons of this world are temporary. I tend to look beyond this moment.

I also find hope in looking at people who have lived far worse situations and hopelessness within the bible and found a way to see themselves as victors. Sure, we live in "different times" but do we really?? Corrupt government, righteous dictators controlling people who believe the righteous approval gets them eternal salvation, murder on the streets, corrupt social systems burdened with steretypes, racism and distain for others, starving people across the globe, whole cities overwhelmed with sinful selfishness, and open disregard for wisdom within the courts: Yes, I would say, the times are much the same with "different" people, but very much the same.

I don't know how to explain the secret to unlocking this Hope within us, but the first step is to make sure you are right with God and that Christ does have room in your life. Have you moved out & let him have your life's direction? Well then, now you have to deal with trusting it. When He is in us, then we are no longer in our will, but his will. He is with you, God himself through the Holy Spirit is directing your path.

So, I take a deep breath, remind my brain (not part of the spirit) that it is not in control of my future, but that the Spirit of the Lord is walking this life with me. I am going to share in the sufferings of Christ, but I will also share in the Love, the Peace, the Security of knowing the grave is not the end. And really, someone - somewhere - has lived worse, yet, God comforted them. I MUST SHARE MY HOPE WITH OTHERS!!!! I need to wear this hope on my sleeve, and most importantly my FACE!

Laughter; The fruit of real life.

2010-06-28T20:49:00.000-04:00

~Life Lessons: Family Laughter.~

I can’t say that I dwell in the past. A girl’s past can be ‘a many splendid thing’ or it can be a haunting nightmare. No one’s past is the same. No one family tree is perfect. No one story ever can be told with one or two short sitting spells over coffee. Life is always hard for any kid but when the kid buries part of them to keep skeletons in the basement, most children just learn to grow up and try to move on. Some of us manage to find peace in life.

For me, I have written and talked about it enough to say, that I learned to deal with skeletons early in life. The first thing I learned was how much honesty will hurt the wrong person and let the person who wronged you get the upper hand. Or did I? I was honest as a j-bird anyway. I shot from the hip as a small child, never thinking about any consequence. Shining the light in the closet wasn’t the only way to feel comfortable, but when you’re a kid afraid of the dark ~ light helps!! It was NOT something I recommend, and I had a very shy uncomfortable side to me in contrast.

My Grandma Kicklighter, I know God loved her, and gave her a knack for a way to cope: laughter. While I was just tattling on adults and telling everybody everyone else’s secrets…she laughed away the pain in her life. I grew up in the South. Well, I say that because most psychologists will tell you that a child learns most of its personality traits before they are 5 years old. I grew up in the heart of Southern Living well into Middle School life. My manners, or lack thereof, got me into enough trouble and my mouth got me into more than my little butt bargained for. The look on some of those jerks faces was all I needed to get me through to the next uncomfortable place, where ever it would find me in the future. (I was always certain of one thing in my little head and that was the fact that I wasn’t going to like some situation soon.)

In a recent heart to heart chat with my mother, and yes, I called her mother when I was young too. Once I even asked her if she was the evil step-mother from Cinderella. See, how my honesty could get me into trouble. Anyway, in our recent chats I told her about my need to write down some of the most important lessons people like her have taught me. She was supportive and cautious as she too is familiar with my honest streak. You can say I think honest, like my dad which is a wise move to make. Honest thinkers look at the situation and don’t sugar coat it in their memories. Then you get to the part where I speak honest and most people would like to think they do, but no one does this like my mom. I learned a lot from my dad and I like to think more than I talk these days but either way you’ll get my honesty.

Moms can’t always help their children become who God intends. I am learning that sometimes God gives us children we are unprepared to guide, so he gives us other people in our lives that help us guide our children. My mom always let my grandma guide me without much jealousy. We all laughed together a lot after I grew of age. My mother came to terms with my grandmother leading me, even if it meant I got pieces of my grandma no one else would ever hear.

Laughter doesn’t have to be honest, or pure. Boy when it’s an honest gut wrenching laugh it fills the air and is what some call a contagious laughter. My grandmother’s legacy reenters this story here. She was a God-fearing woman and I loved her but she had a stream running through her veins that was deep pain and only laughter let her clean it out of her system. My mom sat on the front steps at her house the day she died and I knew it would take some time before I could make her laugh the way her mother could. My grandmother took the simplest of things in life and made them funny. She took practical jokes to church. I learned from her why Jesus must have been a fun to be around as a teen.

When life is waiting for you to fail, and when there is always a burden waiting for you to carry it you can choose: – a life lived waiting to die under it’s weight – OR – a life lived within every moment in anticipation of something to smile about and something to loosen your muscles and the fastest way to release the pain is to laugh.

Laugh at it all.

God answered my prayer. My Uncle Jack fell that dad right in front of us all ~ we checked to see if he was ok, and then with my Grandmothers blessing, we all let out a bellowed laugh… then we all cried.. then we laughed some more. My grandmother was the first person I saw laugh when someone got hurt. I wasn’t sure what to make of it when I was little but then, as I got older I learned more about slapstick comedy. As I matured and learned about some of our family skeletons, the burdens my grandmother bore and the children she raised because her mother slipped out at night and eventually didn’t return; that’s when I learned WHY she loved to laugh.

My grandma never really lied, but often told stories about people with different names to protect the innocent. They were her stories, but the innocent was always us. She always wanted us to look at things “fresh” and “honest”. Most importantly, she wanted us to laugh. And laugh hard. Even if it was at your cousin who skinned their knee on the pavement…: No seriously, make sure they aren’t hurt, get help and then laugh! But she always laughed first.. then helped us up. P.S. Her feelings were hurt when she tripped and fell and no one laughed with her at the hilarity of it all.

Here’s the real lesson: it wasn’t in the moment that made anything funny, it was all about learning how to tell the story!

She was alongside my dad one of the best storytellers of my life. She took the truth and stepped outside of it and told a story of the tale with accurate punch lines to make even the straightest face crack a smile.

So, when the pain of my life or the burden that tries to weigh me down peers around in the mirror; I can’t forget the lesson that deteriorates all life can throw at you ~ find anything you can and laugh. Laugh hard. Laugh till you cry. Let the laughter release the real pain, the real tears, the real fears and then gather yourself together – grab a hanky and laugh at your tears. * Preferably laugh with someone else.*

Soapy Sin

2010-06-27T23:23:00.000-04:00

I happen to have a beautiful shower which means we have a large glass door and glass panels. It makes a gorgeous look that I knew right away would be my one cleaning monster to conquer. I have had the luxury of glass shower doors previously and knew that the only way to have a clean shower door is to never let it get dirty. HA! Yeah right!

So, the next best step of never using this beautiful functional shower is to buy or create a cleansing spray that you can use on the shower door after each encounter with soap & shampoo. Of course, some would say that glycerin soap will not require as much maintenance, but honestly, my husband and I use different soaps and it’s typically the oh so “professional” hair products that cause the largest soap scum. So, the reality is that we “spray” our shower with a shower cleaner lightly (less than when cleaning) after each use and then a regular monthly cleaning keeps it completely clean.

Yes, I just told you that I only clean my shower once a month. But have no fear, it’s clean.

EXCEPT for when I “sin” against my shower and get too busy to spray it every day. Although my shower doesn’t get mad at me and doesn’t even care when I miss one or two days of “pre-cleaning” that lack of faithfulness will land me in trouble. I can find that if I just don’t have time to spray my shower today then forget tomorrow I will end up with 4 or 5 days worth of what seems to be an overnight situation of soap scum.

Then, it hit me in the shower one day while I was dreading the actual scrubbing with ammonia to come. GEE, Shelley, this soapy build up didn’t appear overnight, but you just couldn’t “see” it before this morning because it was in small amounts and relatively clear. Yes, you are all smarter than me I am sure but ultimately my spiritual life flashed before me in this soapy residue.
I do great for a long time; maybe even go a few years without missing the time I need to invest in my spiritual health. I will be on a regular routine of quiet time (meditation scares Christians so I leave that word out), looking to the Word for insight, being mindful of who I am and who I am not (repenting to turn away from the things I don’t want to be) and even chatting about spiritual challenges with friends on a regular basis. Thus, I am really doing what can be radically viewed as daily cleansing and a renewal of my mind. Yet, let one area get to be too hard for my schedule or if I allow myself to become too independent and lose those thought provoking spiritual growth opportunities for too long and uh oh! I can find myself looking through foggy spiritual eyes and missing something. In one moment in less than a minute I stood in my soapy reflection of that glass door and saw a window into my soul’s stained glass.

Is it hard to clean a glass door covered in soap scum? NO, not if you have the right formula.

My soul can be stained with unimaginable sin, and only one prayer of belief in a God who loves me can wash it all away. Does that sin re-stain that glass, no, I don’t believe so. If I go back out and sin again do I lose my salvation, no, I don’t think that happens either – I am talking about clarity and vision. Sin does separate us from our God, and although a savior (Jesus) can save us & wash us clean in one prayer; we become a saint trapped in a sin-craving body who has to be tamed. We ultimately all sin after we are saved and if not looked after with some internal thought, thoughtful conversations and finding insights in the Word of God…or whatever you think the Bible tells you to do to maintain a healthy balanced lifestyle… I think we can start to see things in a less than clean light. I think maybe that is when we are easily offended, or even when we become innocently used by gossip, or maybe that’s why people who love Jesus forget how to love other people who also love Jesus?

Look, I am not saying this was a divine moment that someone should live by. I am telling you that I know what I realized in that soap scum build up that had taken over a portion of my shower door: if I leave this, it will quickly turn this beautiful bathroom into a place no one wants to shower, but the simplest of acts will make this shower door look brand new and that is a chance I don’t want to pass up.

My grandmother was a woman of God who often said, “the bible won’t tell you this, but cleanliness is the closest thing to Godliness.” I am NOT saying that, the Lord knows I don’t keep the kind of clean house my grandmother kept. I AM SAYING that a little bit of time spent on making myself aware of how I can live better, show more love to others, give more of myself away with thought & purpose within a balanced lifestyle of friends and social groups that inspire me – those things help keep my spiritual windows to the outside world less tainted and easier for people to see what I have holding me together inside this life. Let’s face it, without a way to see IN my life, no one is going to see the GOODNESS of GOD in me.

Really, I want to see out, but I more importantly want to be transparent enough for people to not focus on my flaws (soapy residue), but on the One who inspires me to Love them. I don’t want my life’s soap scum to get in their way.

Cowboys, Jocks & Baggy Jeans II

2010-06-21T21:30:00.001-04:00

~ Life Lessons from Dad ~ Part 2

COWBOYS WHO...

My high school came and I was willing to step out and find the real me outside of the environment that kept me a shy scared little white girl. We had lived in Alabama when I was younger, I had lived in small towns and my entire family was a small town group placed in the outskirts of what might as well have been NY to me (Tampa). I was ready to embrace my roots & dare to dress in the style I felt comfortable in. Vintage western mixed with the nineties and there you have me, button up sun dresses in knee high pointed toe cowboy boots. (And just to the curious, yes, I had learned how to dance long before high school and enjoyed my line dancing!) Of course, this was also a popular way to dress and country was making it's own "cool" crowd so I was not alone!!

My dad and mom had always dressed me this way and it somehow found me new friends. I retell it now as the "cowboy talk" but it went something like this.

My dad tells me about when this time he got on a pissed off mean bull. Followed by how stupid this choice was and how many stitches he gained from the experience. Leading into a short conversation about real men and what real hard work on a farm in central Florida looks like to date. Then I get asked, "Do you know how to tell if a man is a cowboy or just trying to look like George Strait?" (Whom I love to gaze upon still.) ~ First, if he tells you he rides a bull, he's lying (I am fairly certain the exact phrase is not PG but it meant lying). *Real cowboys ride for the love and a real man doesn't brag. ~Second, (& my fav at the time) if his jeans are tight enough to see his heartbeat in then he ain't rode no horse and don't plan on it.

The other thing that stuck out that day was something I found funny and now adore about my father's wisdom. *The only cowboy you are gonna find at that high school will not have time to date you but may invite you over to have dinner with his mom. Followed immediately by the No you can not go and don't worry since you won't find one.

DISCLAIMER

Now let me say this disclaimer: My dad has admitted to me that mostly he shot from the hip and barely remembers any advice he has given me. He doesn't seem to remember some of those difficult talks but I love those memories burned into my brained none the less. Funny enough, my mother who has a diagnosed memory problem can remember most of what I have wrote about in this series!! So, I have a partial witness! :)

I still call my dad. As recently as two weeks ago his advice was this: Shelley men are stupid [about women] and when they learn what they should know they are too old to [abuse] it.

In his cryptic way, I am sure I will see the light soon enough.

JOCKS

As a teen who was interested in lots of social functions, church, and after school band practice, football games; my parents often got as many friends over to our house as possible. (To keep track of my social life as any parent should.) My sixteenth birthday party brought about 30 teens to our home. After which led to the talk about the fools who showed up.

*In a side note, I knew these were goofy kids, but I invited anyone who promised not to bring illegal activities to my house... and you may remember I have mentioned that I had friends from every crowd.

Thus we had the letter-man jacket conversation! "Jocks are the fools at the party," he explained, "and as much "fun" as they may bring to the party; it's rare to find one who isn't full of himself and respectful." That was it, I guess he missed the part were he was suppose to explain it with grace.

Of course, I had to explain that the fools in jackets at this party were mostly band geeks, journalists, and part of the wrestling team! Oh, wait there was that one guy who played basketball.... but really wasn't much of the jock type! (SORRY If you know who I am talking about.) So, I laugh, "You have nothing to worry about that in people who are going to hang out with me dad! Times have changed, and every "geek" or loser like me can letter in something." (I actually acquired 3 letters and 4 bars by the time I graduated and didn't even dress out for PE!)

DAD

I know that when the day comes, which I am not ready for any time soon, and I have to turn over my dad to Jesus. I will have asked more questions, I know I will have done another project with him and heard some more funny anecdotes about men; and life from a crazy ole Iron-worker redneck who now watches too much TV and shoots wandering by field rats with a shotgun!

While at my moms, try not to chew too loud on the porch! :)

Cowboys, Jocks, & Baggy Jeans

2010-06-20T23:50:00.000-04:00

~ Life Lessons from Dad ~ Part 1

My dad was "old" but no, really, everyone thought my dad was old too. He was 35 the year I was born, and although that isn't really old - it felt older when he had three older children who were MUCH older than me in relationship. :) Of course, as I approach the age I know it's not the age but the personality of someone who makes them seem old to a child. My dad had lived hard, played hard and sometimes prayed hard.

I ran to his love from an early age and our relationship was a healthy one with far more of me talking than him = as it should be with a wise listener and a smaller child!!

So, we built stuff, broke stuff: I mean "worked on it" and he taught me about farms, the way to speak to horses (he loved the essence of training them without hurting them), taught me to shot at tin cans, and we often were together when it was time to kill a chicken for dinner or "dress" an animal that needed to be frozen for the winter.

OK. I know I lost some of you but it was that kind of lifestyle when we were younger and in the region.

When we moved to the "big city" of Tampa and our talks changed as I began to explore my new social world. I was saved (a spiritual experience with Christ) after we moved there and I was getting older. Funny how my dad and I never had A talk but we shared moments when my dad "shared revelations about boys". My dad revealed things in a very Southern and cryptic way. Why do people from the South talk in a language that few understand? I can only think it is both a conversation and constant test which coincide!

BAGGY PANTS

Dad asked me once if the boys in my class wore baggy pants and were forced to put their hands in their pockets to hold them up. Well, this was the late 80's.... and the answer was going to be yes!

As my dad worked that day in his shop he explained that I should never trust a boy who keeps his hands in his pockets and wears baggy pants. Followed with, "this ain't about what they look like, or what type of pants they are wearing but about their manners girl!"

-- My "ah ha" moment was 6 years later before I understood what in the tar hill he was talking about. HE WAS RIGHT.

CROSSING THE GANG LINE

In middle school we may not have lived directly in gang cross fire, but we sure were bused to the middle of a war. (Another blog there entirely.) This area was not new to gang violence and my class had been on the local TV stations for years over the increased gang war mounting violence within the public school system. My first raid for drugs on campus was in 6th grade, they arrested 7 students. The mob riots started in 7th grade and by 8th grade I had that most of my class had a lethal weapon on their person or in their locker. It was a place that made my parents nervous, but the school system and their situation gave them no other choice but public school.

I know my dad was always worried. He was insistent that I keep my nose in a book and my head in music and to make friends with the drummers in band. (So much wisdom about the culture of our schools even in that statement.) Drummers were easy to make friends with since I had learned by then how to dabble with many instruments and was good with a beat. They also stuck up for each other more than most. The drum line made peace with each other.

The important reminder he gave me once or twice a week was the importance of anonymity when & if I needed to snitch for my own safety. (The same kids who rode my bus were frequently involved in trouble.) I thought it was strange that my dad was so worried about me BEING the narc but always asking me to tell on kids who were about to cause trouble. It seemed confusing to this 8th grader when given no explanation.

When you are an unwilling witness to death (as I would be far too close a few times that year) you need to tell without getting dead yourself.

Yet, throughout my life when I have ignored this advice it has come back to bite my in the -ahem-.

continued.....

(see part 2)

Jellies & Outlet Shopping

2010-06-05T23:17:00.001-04:00

GIFTS FROM MY MOM!

(The above pair of Jellies can be purchased from http://www.shoebuy.com/nina-dazzy/371325/793040 for around $30)

There are trends that we all participate in and some day we fear the photo evidence ~ uh hum ~ parachute pants, pleather black pants, or those punky brewster shoes with non-matching socks ~ not that I would know!!

Here's the thing; we didn't have much "stuff" and didn't really get much via name brand items. We (my family) had a LOT of other things that "those kids" didn't though. Um like, my very own earth worm pit, and subsequent earth worm races! We had starched pants off the clothes line that stood up by themselves and our fruit trees. More pears than we could ever can, eat, cook or preserve and other creations from which I stear clear of if at all possible. Oh, did I mention, we got a golf cart while all the other kids were getting go carts!! But our dad made that golf cart speed!!

The point I was making got lost, but I'll get back on track.

We got much more "stuff" second-hand (third-hand for me) or from the Outlet Stores rather than the department stores like those "other kids". Interesting as it is OUTLET when I was younger was not the place where Northerners go to grab some deals ~ OH NO!!! This was the ACTUAL manufacturer defect drop off store that sold the items for nothing to get rid of them but still turn a penny. This was the IRREGULAR Store. Oh - I am very serious. We had to try on EVERYTHING. It could have flaws that you would never notice if you didn't put it on. The largest problem was typically that it wasn't sewn to be the size the tag said it was. However, in each trip to a large shopping trip was a funny irregular item. Not so funny when your mom suggest you wear it anyway and it's pocket is in the wrong place or the tag is ripped off.

The other half of our purchased material possessions came from cheap-o stores. You know, the Dollar General where things may not be a dollar because they are a "look a like" to the name brand counter-part! Well, look-a-like may be a stretch.

This is where my mom always bought my "jelly shoes" aka "jellies". I loved them. I thought this idea was the best thing since fake lures. These little shoes were the crocs of my childhood. Apparently, they are still sold for a rather expensive price tag. (listed above) I was so in love with being barefoot that this was just as wonderful and helped make cute little marks on my feet with the dirt! (OK I may not relate to every child, but I was really cute when someone brushed my hair!)

A few years of wearing them out, then getting new cheap-o fake jellies and I was addicted. One year one of my relatives bought me a pair of nice new soft jellies. I don't remember which gift exchange this would have been but I do remember the moment when I didn't like them. Can you guess why??

The only thought that sticks out amoung the tears in my memory is the idea, "they don't crunch" ~ there is no crunchy plastic! All of my new pairs of shoes had to be worn in, give me very sore blisters in the meantime and I had grown used to this way of life.

I WAS RUINED . . . BY JUNK KNOCK OFFS!

I love to find a deal even to this day but I really do not like trying clothes on. I still have small flash backs of dressing room nightmares in outlet stores and of my mother putting clothes over the clothes we had on when there was no dressing room!

You can teach a child any thing without trying. Especially when the lesson involves shopping. The lack of explanation can sometimes open doors of understanding that can not be taught anywhere else. ~ When you never get new stuff, but you get trendy-ish shoes 2 times a year, even if they are crap, you will begin to believe that the crap is the Lexus of all the items in your closet. ~

I try really hard to budget our clothing allowance, to take my children to the thrift store, to appreciate the handed down clothes of relatives but to also value all of the items in their closet. While we do our share of shopping big sales in actually department stores. (My children don't notice that most of the times we never buy anything! It's about making it fun not putting ourselves down.)

DISCLAIMER: No children were injured in this memory & The views expressed here are meant to make us think WHILE we enjoy saving money & shopping!

My Florida ~ Pictures

2010-06-05T22:35:00.000-04:00

I am starting a blog that I will come back to when needed. I will just call them My Florida! They will not always be what you expect, since I have a few that will make you think twice. So, let's start with an easy one, shall we!

The Magic Is Never Far Away ~ unless you live in Pensacola!! :)

Green lawn doesn't mean green grass!

2010-05-10T20:20:00.000-04:00

Grass, is green, but so are so many Florida native weeds! Yes, my bog is somewhat about grass, I know I couldn't believe it either!

The grass is not always greener on the other lawn and in some cases their green lawn ISN'T even grass!! We just can't let it all get us down. I mean, you should be striving for some sort of measurable success just not based on the nieghbors next door.

Let's face it, contemplating grass in a deed restricted community isn't all it's cracked up to be and I never really even thought I would find myself in this situation. (I was such a country girl long ago.) Life is what it is in these Floridian parts of the country, and although there are some rather nice communities without deed restrictions it isn't working out to be inviting to own a home in, or a plot I can afford at this phase in our lives. And although some will understand the plight of the grass deed restrictions we can really all relate I promise.

Some have that lady in the Bible study who has a new stylish pair of shoes each week. Some of us wonder about the people down the street and how in the world they could afford such a car in this economy. There are those of us who tend to look at our checking account and imagine "what if" scenerios reagrding some "other" life style that must not be hurting this much! A few of us pretend we don't think anything along these lines until we are trying on swim suites and ... we won't go there, but you are thinking it no matter what size you have to walk to the counter with. And then there are a LOT of us that talk to our neighbors, ask them what lawn service they are using (since we know they must be cheating in this conservation lot community) and we secretly hope they slip up and claim to water more than the law allows or use fertilizer that isn't "approved" for our water front properties. (Ok, retention ponds in Fl are really water front, why I don't know, but at least it's 5 acres of water!)

Here's my point I will make as fast as possible, we all tend to drift off into comparisons when the ultimate comparison has already been given. ~ Proverbs 8:17

"I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me."

The green grass, the new run way look, the sexier body (the one who isn't blessed with 3 child births under her hips), the "happier couple" that seem just to just never disagree, the FILL IN THE BLANK life that you are oh so shy of; doesn't exist in reality. They are all facades just like my greener "lawn" neighbor who has more crabgrass than he can manage!!! Sure it's green, but so are clovers.

God's love should be the only thing we constantly check our compass on. Seeking God's love will always pull your life, your health, and your relationships heck, even your home into a more perfect place than you could've imagined. When we work on our focus and we focus on finding God, He finds us... and restores all that we wished we could have except with more abundance! You see, a beautiful lawn doesn't happen by itself and neither does a beautiful life, because only the Giver of Life can make that happen.

Now, go fertilize your grass with naturally stinky stuff, do something selfless for your spouse, call your parents just because, look in the mirror at your figure beautifully marking the joy of that first kiss from your newborn, or simply remind yourself that we all have something better than money could buy.... a Savior, Friend, Strong-Tower and Refuge waiting for us to seek Him.

'Hallmark' didn't write about your mom...now what?

2010-05-10T01:38:00.000-04:00

There must be more people than me that didn't grow up with the "Beaver's Mom" or even a closely related personality. I will clarify that absolutely wholeheartedly love and honor my mother NOW but it wasn't always that easy. Someone must identify with me as we live in a time and place when most parents (especially Baby Boomer parents) were not that in touch with what God says about being a leader or great at parenting in general.

I understand that some parenting "styles" that were famous led some of our parents astray. The reality of my parents was a little bit different. They had both been broken beyond compare and divorced (my dad more times than he likes to admit) with broken relationships in large abundance. The largest area of brokenness for BOTH of my parents came through their childhood experiences with parents. Let's face it, I am NOT an opponent of excuses, so by the time you are old enough to get married, divorced and married again - I believe you should have these issues worked through. Alas, they did not have anything even put in a pile to work on, because for them they were just too self-absorbed at times to realize there were better ways.

Now, I will interject this small thought - this blog is not a pitty party, for I need nothing of the sort, but only a glimpse to show you that I can empathize. So, my parents were dysfunctional which is after all a learned behavior and not something we are crippled with a birth. My mother especially had a rough childhood and lost her ability to really nurture a small child. Although in her story I seemed to be the infant that didn't want to be nurtured but my reality was more like a stand-offish mother most of the time who lacked compassion until SHE wanted to be smothered in her children, and by then we wanted nothing to do with it. EVEN through group therapy, individual therapy and some serious years of Jesus doing things to fix the brokenness my parents created there are still struggles in my life to allow my mom to try to hug me. She knows this, so I am not hiding the truth.

And although my parents gave me things, as I plan to share in future blogs, my point is my mom wasn't the Mother that Hallmark writes all those cards for. We didn't have a relationship that felt anything like those warm and fuzzy or rose covered cards in the store. In my adolescence and innocent youth I often created my own cards, and my mother kept them to "prove my inability to love her" because they were riddled with weird thoughts from me. I would try to conjure up the nicest possible thing to say like, "she likes to cook but not things I like." It was raw and embarrassing as I grew into an adult.

There is hope if you too have this type of memory. Every night around the age of 8 without much fail I would pray for God to talk to my mom, be real to her, show her He was real to me. She mocked God, and often used the church as a source of discipline if I didn't do the right thing....then I couldn't go for a week. If I was sick on Monday and stayed home from school then Wednesday night church was not allowed. I had no hope to believe this would ever change and in reality my relationship with my mom felt stale and impossible. I didn't know how to love her by then and she didn't seem to know how to love me.

Let me share with you a truth that set me free: All of my therapy in the world combined couldn't begin to change my childhood or who my mother was or wasn't for me ~ GOD COULD!

Some one is thinking the way I thought - "God doesn't let us have a childhood over again." Well, no not exactly, but God transformed my need to go back and relive it. And in the Hope that comes with a devotional prayer and constant petition to the Heavens.... He did start changing my mom. And my mom was a hard nut to crack, and even harder one to shut up long enough for God to speak! (Love you mom!)

As an adult I would pray for my mom but much less often until I felt even God had given up on changing or speaking to her. The change and sudden transformation of my mother & her life was both in an instant and is still being changed, Praise God. But it came out of "nowhere" as some would say. One night, she showed up at my home church and was changed before she left. She repented of so many mistakes in front of my home church in a few short weeks my mother started to sound like someone overwhelmed with a compassionate love that takes you somewhere over the rainbow.

I still faced the problem of our past, and you will always have those disappointments, even WHEN (not if) God makes deep transformations in people you love. No Hallmark card will EVER work for me when looking for Mother's Day cards, but not in a bad way anymore. Now I struggle to find one that says, "You once were a stranger though you gave me life and although we lived in the same home, I longed to know you; I am so thankful for who you are now and who you are to my children and I love making the new memories and moving past the old pain, learning to be loved by you is making all the difference on this Mother's Day."

They don't make them that raw and that real, but that my dear friends, is why they sell blank cards with beautiful pictures on them.

For the HOPE that we can fill it up with, not the unrealistic kind of hope but the one that comes from the giver of Life and can ACTUALLY set you free to love, free to believe and free to forgive. Yes, I said forgive, because my story didn't stop when my mother's life met the One true Lover, my story only begins there. The transformation couldn't even start until I completely and forever agreed to forgive her, EVEN IF she NEVER changed and never wanted to love me the way I thought I needed it. My forgiveness unlocked the door that let her in to a place to receive a Savior.

I hope you know that Hallmark or American Greetings doesn't have as large of an audience as they want you to believe when it comes to what truth is being written between those pages. They simply sell what people want their mom's or childhoods to look like. The only real problem with that is when we forget why we need Jesus, we never really look for a solution to our biggest problems: our pain in our past. We all have some, and without admitting it to someone safe, we will never ask Jesus, the only carpenter qualified, to repair what some other human broke within our lives.

I hope you can honor your mom, as I honor mine. Even when they seem they don't deserve it, you never know when treated them as Jesus would might just Save their Life and change yours for eternity.

God Bless You.

mother's day blah's

2010-05-04T14:21:00.000-04:00

Mother's Day is a strange day for me. I love LOVE love Love LOve LoVE being a mommy! I so enjoy watching my children come home from school or pre-k with a cutie present made from finger paint or crazy scissor work or their own hand writing! I enjoy the moments I am blessed to spend with them all, regardless of their ages or moments of fits.

BUT... (cuz you knew there would be one) I tend to feel over worked and under appreciated during this insane day of the year. Not because anyone is lacking... and not because my kids don't love me. It's deeper than that.

I remember crying at school in Kindergarten in the "family center" ~ called that when I went to KG it is now called the Home Making Center!! Why? You ask, well, it was simple I didn't WANT to be the mommy or rock the baby or feed to family with pretend food. I WANTED TO SAVE THE WORLD IN THE PRETEND CENTER...DRESS UP LIKE BATMAN AND SAVE PEOPLE. Yep, I was that crazy girl the kids made fun of for wanting to be a "boy" when I grew up. The other kids apparently didn't watch "Gem" or "Wonder Woman" or "She-Ra" with me on Saturday mornings. But, I digress!

The story goes on and of course I have the most beautiful children in the world. No, really, I do! And I received a lot of praise from my grandmother before she passed on about how well I was doing. My own mother has come to terms with my style of mothering and has also bombarded me with compliments in the last several years on how "well" she thinks I accomplish this task. I am not honking a horn here, but merely saying that other people seem to agree that I can keep children from tearing down my home, each other and convince them to eat veggies. This makes a good mom I know. But Wonder Woman MUST have made a fantastic mom too! No? I personally think that she HAD to be a mom to even know how to juggle two lives!!

So, why don't I like this day?

The deep oh so inner thoughts would be: because it's not a lifestyle. I long to be honored and respected and given extra hugs, because someone WANTS TO... not because they are obligated. Example: 1) The random day of the year when my husband says, "Honey, you are the best mom in the Universe, go sit down." 2) Any one of the kids have drawn a picture or colored artwork and asks me to have it, "because you are so special mommy!"

LET'S BE HONEST...(close your eyes if you can't handle this part)
The other part of me finds that I am more anxious about this day than any other. Reasons: a) too many Mother's Day's have passed when nothing was extra ordinary, or the occasion was over looked all together. b) when something terrific did happen, I was unprepared, my reaction wasn't what anyone expected...leaving a disappointed audience. c) I have to worry about the step-mother issue with my son, the fact that I am a step-mom who doesn't get to even SEE those children on this day let alone be honored by them, and the OH-SO stressful act of purchasing gifts for the other Mother's in our lives.

There it is then... the nitty gritty truth. In all it's unholy glory and dusted off reality. ~ My family is awesome and I love them. So, why can't we choose to either find a tradition that honors the day and let it be the same each year...or leave it in the holiday trash pile with Father's Day and Halloween. I would have much less stress in my life & feel far less unwanted when everyone forgot about the day all together!

And for goodness sake... THANK A MOM TODAY!!

Sense of Community

2010-04-28T17:20:00.002-04:00

When you live in a bigger city or even the sprawling outskirts of one, it is hard to capture the essence of teaching children the responsibility of helping others in and around you. Of course, leading my example and using teachable moments really DOES help.

I tend to get frustrated with the older siblings because they are so disconnected in every way regarding caring for their younger siblings. The oldest two do not live here and visit twice a month. Of course, this is the same schedule that has been happening for just over 6 years....yeah, that hasn't impacted them at all. They love their siblings and love to play with them or even occasionally change a diaper. The reality of their every day life is missing the aspect to help be responsible for someone else in a positive way rather than just telling! So, it really is a challenge as it is not their lifestyle. They are both however very giving children in other aspects and enjoy buying gifts for the younger siblings. (The art of Gift giving is a different blog!)

Madisen on the other hand has loved being a big sister from the moment she realized she was getting a little baby. She is a perfect small mommy (most of the time). Maternal instincts ARE DIFFERENT than community responsibility. That's another blog if you disagree!! We have been able to really teach her about helping take care of ANYONE that needs help. Of course, stranger safety in our house means that unless mommy or daddy says, you can't help or talk to anyone. She dutifully asks for permission to even talk to other small people on the playground! So precious yet so compassionate.

She can meet you once, and you are good for her ~ she won't remember your name, since she obviously got that trait from both Asa & I. However, she will figure out a way to help you!! She loves Jesus and I know

This is a friends small one who I find utterly contagious~ Madisen offered to walk with her since she kept running away from the place we were suppose to stand!

I always want to allow small people the opportunity to serve one another and really care about others. This one, we got right!!

Carry Me!

2010-04-28T10:24:00.001-04:00

I sat down with a dear friend, who is also a man of God and a trusted pastor and as we normally do we conversed about what God is and isn't doing in our lives at the moment. When people are cut from the same personality type but decades separate their ages they have a choice - to clash like cymbals or learn from one another and have a beautiful friendship. We often tug the conversations back & forth and love listening to what God is speaking to each other. Of course, our spouses get in on the action... but, well, I'll admit it's hard for them to get a word in edge wise. Especially when it's been a while like our recent dinner~! We all have so much to catch up on.

We sat down and the talk turned to what a good Sheppard looks like. What a good pastor does and doesn't do for his sheep and the difference between Jesus' leadership example and how so many pastors think of themselves. As a former paid pastor my friend knows the heart of Jesus as a Sheppard better than many. He brought up the reality of a Sheppard who can see the rebellious young lamb and chose to break it's leg in order to carry it and keep it safe. Now, this leads me to why I choose this picture!

No legs were broken in the making of this picture! I love being a mom, but so often I understand the need to keep a child close enough to protect them. I have documented my use of those little toddler leashes. OK - I know this throws so many into a tizzy, but sometimes you have to harness that energy. Mind you, I only ever used it for one of my children and for extreme visitor or touristy places. ANYWAY - I digress. I realize that a mom (good moms) can and MUST recognize the needs for us to emulate a good Sheppard, such as the apprentice sheep herder. We do bear so much of the burden of raising our small people and really showing them the grazing pastures. And as much as I support and pray for those moms who are leading without a father for their child....

I simply LOVE it when the Daddy comes in and saves the day by just picking up said small child and escorting them (in style) to the safe location. I too need this protection and safety (from my Heavenly Father).

Let's be honest: I spend most of my day wrapped up in three children (5 when it's the weekend) and although I can tell you the pulse of this home at any moment of any day I often can not tell you what is happening outside our little bubble. This presents a very dangerous problem except that my husband, the Sheppard of this family is responsible and keeps watch over all the goings on in our community, nation and world. At times I have heard women complain about this issue of being stuck in this nucleus. (I may or may not have been one of those women at some point.) The joy of this nucleus really becomes understanding that my role allows me to watch for unrest, disputes, or even hurt lambs from WITHIN the herd; While my husband watches diligently from a distance to survey for EXTERNAL threats to our family. I should state here that this can often include keeping an eye on the extended families needs, the neighborhood and even the local wolf (in sheep's clothing). Daddy's lead the sheep & mommy's feed the sheep. (A little simplicity never hurt anybody.)

As in the picture above, the Sheppard over the family sometimes keeps a little lamb closer to him than the herd. While it will be safer and in less trouble this way! The mother Sheppard does this sometimes too... but as a mom we have to know when it's our job to keep the lamb close - or let the lamb leave the herd to hear the heartbeat of their Father.

I hope I can keep this herd together without them trampling each other and I pray that I listen when my children whisper the heart of THE Father back to me as I feed them. But I hope that if you are a husband, father, mother or wife - you can see the divine ability we all have to work together and sense the simple life of a sheep herder or Sheppard.

Bubbles of thought in the park!

2010-04-22T22:39:00.000-04:00

One of my most fun memories of childhood was my mothers homemade bubbles! As a mother, I think bubbles can add hours of fun to any thing... when THEY ARE OUTSIDE OF COURSE!!! But I often allow my children to play with bubbles while I wait at a safe distance from the soapy saturation.

I have always told my relatives that children are small people, not some different species of human. Not meant to be kept in a cage (room), or forced to play outside, or even forced to live in a world differently than a person with opinions. (The parenting discipline is a different blog, but children LIKE big people need boundaries.) I think that I grew up in a culture, all be it one of respect, that discredits the adventure of childhood by saying it's some sort of syndrome you should grow out of. You should become respectable and clean. Which brings me to my conclusion as a teen and a new Aunt (since I was 12), that children were just small people! They too needed to be treated with SOME level of expectation to be who THEY need to be. I instantly formed an opinion that has helped to shape my adulthood and how I respond to the most precious people on the planet... kids! Follow my crumbs on this rabbit trail to my current subject; where I was standing in a park waiting for guests to arrive at a party, sweating and watching these cute small peeps TRY to blow bubbles. WHAT WAS I DOING? I was already sweating, already dirty, and in a park ~ far away from my carpet!

AND SOAPY FUN WAS HAD BY ALL MY PEEPS! Chasing bubbles just happens naturally in this world, as it does for anyone who stops long enough to admire the beauty in a shimmering see-through round floating miracle of our own breath.

Find a spot with a slight breeze, drop a $1 and blow some bubbles with your adult friends this weekend. It's our job to remember what real simple fun should be!!!

Bubbles to you in peace.

First Easter Anyone?

2010-04-21T16:19:00.000-04:00

Noah was doing pretty good for a hungry, nap time egg-hunter until the eggs took the shape of balls. Yes, as my mother thought it was so awesome the plastic eggs came shaped like their favorite items this year! Well, what's a boy to do when the small ball just happens to have candy in it?

Click here to see the video

Tomatoes Go Splat -Onions Peel

2010-04-18T14:39:00.000-04:00

I love those old movies when people actually threw tomatoes at actors who were terrible!! Wish I could do that sometimes to comedians who use too much foul language. One or two words, is too much - but I understand the comedic effect of something in context it's just that constant slamming of words that by themselves in sentences don't mean anything.OK that's my obsession with throwing tomatoes.

But the fun part of tomatoes is that eventually they all squish nicely. I really don't like any kind of tomato, but there really are a tone of varieties. I think this is my fascination with tomatoes in general; no matter what the tomato ultimately looks like, smells like or how big it is, the inside is full of squishy... goodness? The most conventional way to consume a tomato... raw & fresh. (Canned tomatoes work for my Northern friends when they are longing for sun.)

The same is true of onions, no matter what species or size, they are all categorized and all have layers of flavor. Some onions make us cry more than others, some can be sliced without any tears. But the flavor of an onion is best tasted when lightly cooked or grilled. (most of the country would agree with me on this one I think.) ~ And sometimes, they have started NEW growth, from the inside out!!

So, what does any of that have to do with the humorous or interesting things in life? Well, EVERYTHING!!!

I can choose to walk out this life like a fragile tomato, and only be firm on the outside while the inside of me continues to deteriorate and eventually everyone around me with be covered with my mess when I explode. For a period in time those messy friends my hang out with me, but at some point I will need to grow a new batch.
I can choose to walk in my life like a yellow onions; with a thin skin protecting my friends but the minute someone hurts me or dare to peel back my facade... I will inevitably make people cry, and in time the only people who surround me with only talk superficially and make sure that they pat my back with ease. No real friends are found.
I can be honest - transparent and realize that I am more like an onion than I want to be... then choose to be an onion who stays chilled and like the vadalia onion which creates hardly any tears if any and is ALWAYS Sweet. These people realize that life is more fun to peel back the layers of our real personality (flavor) with our relationships... but it is tempered by the reality, that as in all life, sometimes the layer must submit to death to find New Life and learn how to be transformed by the Giver of Life (Jesus Christ) and only in Him do we learn how to be sweet and savory with each bite.

Here's hoping you smile, peel and rid yourself of the squishy today!!! :)

Interview of a Grandpa!

2010-04-15T17:29:00.000-04:00

By Jacob (I think I get rights to my sons work, don't you!)

The Summary is the only thing Jacob wrote in his report.

Question 1: Pa, what games did you play when you were my age?

Answer: When I was 8, I played outside or played sports. There were no computers or ipods.

Summary: When my Pa was 8 he played outside or sports. There were no computers or ipods.

Question 2: What kind of clothes did you wear when you were my age?
Answer: I had a lot of the same clothes that you wear like jeans and T shirts. The shirts were different because they didn't have any graphics on them, you know, like writing or printed pictures.
Summary: He had mostly the same clothes but there was no graphics on shirts.

Question 3: What chores did you have when you were my age?
Answer: Well, by 8 years old I had a lot more chores than you do. I mowed the lawn, and picked certain kinds of grass for the rabbits. My big chore or job was to feed all the animals on our farm. So, I feed the rabbits that we breed, the chickens and horses.
Summary: When my Pa was 8 his chores were hard. He mowed the grass and feed all the animals on the small farm.

Question 4: How was transportation different when you were my age?
Answer: Well, I don't know if it has changed much except that no one could afford to have a car and especially more than one. Well, we did get a car in the year I turned 8 and that sat in the drive way unless we had some where far away to go. When my parents needed to go somewhere they always took the bus or walked.
Summary: They did not have a car until he was 8. They walked or rode a bus.

Question 5: What do you know about our ancestors? How were their lives different from our lives today?
Answer: Jacob I know some of our history and on my mothers side of the family I can only really tell you about the life of my granddaddy. He moved to Enterprise, Alabama and got married and they had 9 children. One of them was my mother. He would be your great-great-great grandpa and he was almost half Cherokee. His family was from the Eastern Cherokee Tribe. So, my granddaddy lived as a share-cropper and farmed land but was very very poor.
Question: What was that like?
Answer: They did not have running water or pipes so they had to carry water from a well out by the farm and anything they needed water for meant they had to carry it from a long way away. There was no electricity and that meant that they only saw inside by candle light. When they needed something from the town they had one horse to work in the field and they would tie him up to a buggy and ride it to town. So, they also had an outhouse and that was the only thing like a bathroom.
Summary: My great-great-great grandpa was part Cherokee and lived in Alabama. He had 9 children and was very poor. They had no running water. They only had candles and a horse and buggy.

Innocent laughter or heavenly secrets?

2010-04-14T10:38:00.001-04:00

The picture I posted speaks a thousand words in the context of the title of this post. In this moment the picture was taken this little boy was the most fun-loving little man with a grin from ear to ear. He had a day with mommy & daddy and new friends with a grandma & grandpa he doesn't see often enough. At first glance you just know that he is "tickled pink" by something. Within each child holds the mystery questions behind those eyes of a child that can't yet talk about what they're thinking.

In the face of a newborn is the face of pure dependence, and simple love. Take care of me and I will love you forever. ~Please~

I know that angels guard over us, and although I believe that they can be powerless when God allows bad things to happen; I know that they whisper God's love to each small child.

In a moment of sweetness a baby can coo or a small toddler can bust into a full laughter with nothing prompting them. I believe there are sweet messages from heaven that tickle their hearts and ears. God is Love, as the Bible declares it, and Jesus was specific about letting the little children come to him while he walked this Earth in ministry. Why would he NOT allow the gurgles of each toddler be sent by angels straight to Heaven and why would He NOT simply tell the angels to give each child loving messages of silly clouds, God's creative masterpiece of this world and even give them secrets to unlock the hearts of their parents??

I know some will say I am crazy . . . but those are the people who don't have a little one in their lives who cuddles up soft and sleeps with ease. Or maybe those people let too much impurity separate their memories of what it was like to be SMALL.

Eggs & Glory

2010-04-07T17:06:00.000-04:00

Easter weekend was definitely our most busiest weekend since Noah's birth. Friday night was the egg hunt at the YMCA, Saturday was Madisen's birthday party at a local park, then off to Brandon for a meeting with a portion of the volunteers for Real Fest, and Sunday was church with a dinner to cook once we got home. And did I mention I was suppose to fill eggs, baskets and hide things on Sunday?

So, before the weekend got underway, I took a night on Thursday to go by a local church and watch their production of Forgotten, a production for Easter.

I realize that this might be a solid weekend of fun for some, but for this mom... well, my three small people tend to be extra greedy and irritable when any one of them has a birthday. So, this was no walk in the park ~ literally! Though, passionate about their candy, my children don't get it very often and the extra sugar was showing. Mommy was at the end of her rope before Friday night even got underway. Then the real DRAMA unfolded at the Y. The Y was unprepared for the turn out and did not think through a few of the decisions ahead of time. Which left parents like me and Asa confused and in a daze trying to figure out how our children waiting for more than 30 minutes to not get to pick up any eggs, or only a few. (2 & 3) My children were THANKFULLY content with us allowing them to play in the field with their friends from church and eventually went home happy.

The birthday party was at least a moment to relax... except that I got to the park to decorate the shelter and realized I had forgotten ALL of the cupcakes AND the Popsicles!

Anecdote for this Easter weekend was:

"The world will pass away and with it the sculpture's work, but our children's souls will live on for eternity."*1

I had to focus on the eternal meaning of this weekend, not the pounded headache or the hustle and bustle or even the perfect outfit that just got covered in dirt. This life doesn't go on forever, but I can affect the shaping of my children's souls by showing them (without complaining) what the Love of this season is for.

I was reminded of all of this as I arrived (late of course), frustrated and hot to the meeting with other volunteers to talk about our testimonials. It was my turn first, as I had already been warned. I had prayed on the way there and was not quite ready to swallow my pride and dismiss my disappointments of the day. ~ Looking into the eyes of the people who sacrificed MUCH more than I had for this festival/event I drew a breath of humility and recited the amazing things God showed me in the weekend prior. I began to hear the amazing things from others that happens in God's Glory and how we can do nothing that compares to what happens as we prepare a place for the Glory to show up ~ and wait for it.

Sunday did meet me by surprise and we did let the little people sleep in but God's presence was felt in the story of His love for me as I worshiped with a local body of Christ. While they served Him and my children, I was really blessed.

IT WAS REALLY ALL ABOUT SHOWING OTHERS THE LOVE OF CHRIST - ALL ALONG. Happy Easter 2010!

citation *1 :
http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/singlefile.php?lid=15249

Real/Serving Real/Fest 2010

2010-04-05T23:44:00.001-04:00

ASSESSMENT OF THE SITUATION:
My body and mind are exhausted from months of preparation and a week full of hustle and bustle to pull together an event to really reach a community. After such a long preparation we tend to want a certain level of success to feel as though our contribution to this community was significant. God's plan is not to always allow us to physically SEE the impact we have on people and places. In 2 Corinthians 5:7 "we walk by faith, not by sight" should be our guide to remember not to let our EYES get in the way of what God is asking us to believe by Faith.

For an event like what we were a part of this past weekend many people can look at the events similar in the past and count success in: the number of tickets sold, items sold at the event, artist contributions to revenue and even in a head count of people. This event was not like the other events in so many ways, but Man's Success was not a tool we were using to measure this weekend's accomplishments. Instead, there were NO tickets sold to this completely FREE event, there were no restrictions on coming & going, so people freely left & returned, the event was not asking bands or artists to contribute anything and other people (not affiliated with event) tried to distract funds in the parking area. Ultimately, this FREE event could not be measured in the same standards as those events of the past. This wasn't about meeting a financial goal but about meeting practical needs of people within the community and bring awareness to some of those needs.

MEASURING TOOLS:
2 Corinthians 2:17 "Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God."
Titus 3:14 "Our people should learn to spend their time doing something useful and worthwhile."
Matthew 25:40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."
Jesus' responses to Peter as Jesus asked, Do you love me? When Peter said yes, then Jesus declared; "Feed my Lambs", "Take care of my Sheep", "Feed my Sheep".

When you use the Word of God as a meter for success, you find that God grants you the favor to feel that toiling for a good work was not in vain. God's Kingdom living is the kind of life that requires much of us even when we don't get a reward here on earth. As we learn in Matthew 6:19-20 "Don't store up treasures on earth! Moths and rust can destroy them, and thieves can break in and steal them. Instead, store up your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy them, and thieves cannot break in and steal them." We can not gain rewards both here and in Heaven so, the eternal rewards MUST outweigh our mindset to gain something here on Earth. We have to change our thinking to reveal our Faith in the seeds planted, the harvest that was watered and the few people we are able to guide into the Kingdom as the MOST SUCCESSFUL adventure of our lives. We should be working on these things all week, and at events like this three day community outreach we have to understand the BLESSING in seeing all three stages being prayed over at the same time.

TESTIMONIALS & SUCCESSES:

* The family van full of people who could NOT get over the genre's of music all in the same place. This family was by far the funniest family I met this past weekend. The dad (of course) had no idea what "Hard-core" was while the mother pretended to know what "Indie" music meant. The teens in the back were completely excited that in one stop they could get a taste of all the music styles they liked as one teen was definitely more into the hip hop than his sister. Talking to this family and explaining the mission of the event and CONVINCING them that it really was free was a joy! They may not have stayed for the entire event, but that family was moved with compassion at anyone hungry could eat, and laughed a lot at the lack of knowledge of their parents at the kind of music they liked. I know God's voice of Love was heard in that family van when they piled back in.

*By Saturday night I noticed that a sweet looking pregnant lady and her tiny little daughter had not ever really left the grounds. She had walked onto the property earlier that day. By nightfall she did walk for what seemed like as far as the eye could see to what we could only assume was home. Early on Sunday morning as we were trying to kick off our Palm Sunday Worship...I saw her and her little girl walking from down Bloomingdale. My sister and I even noted that she had noticed her too. They had come and seemed to be waiting for the day to start, but really they were waiting for someone to tell them breakfast was served. They ate breakfast in no real hurry but eventually ate breakfast again. What a joyous look that precious little girl had to enjoy herself some pancakes? By afternoon before the storms hit, they both had a plate of chicken and I didn't really take notice until the rain came, that they had then had another plate of free chicken. The things we notice when times are quiet, but I began to ache as I realized that this pregnant mom was indeed finding a need met here in this pole barn, in a regular looking weekend, she found enough food to fill their bellies.

*Parking Lot:
So many stories came from working the crowd of people while they were in their cars. Honestly, it was not the place I expected to be, and Asa really did not feel so excited about serving in the parking "department". (jokingly noted as a department) God made sure that we had a front seat to the needs that were being met and we had a unique opportunity to actually spread the good news of why this "Jesus Village" comes together for events like these. I know that having the understanding about Glen & Linda Clark (www.jesusvillage.net) and how they bring local ministries together with local & regional artists allowed us to speak the truth in a concise manner without "teaching" another volunteer how to explain it. Although, I always ask Linda how she wants us to speak "to" the ministry, just for a refresher!

So, we saw and met the moms who were touched by bringing their kids for a free fun time on the bounce houses; the parents who were reached by feeding their family; the adults who could not get over the blessing of free music was by far the most surprising reaction; and the countless people who just couldn't believe it was really all for free. The point here was that everyone left different than they entered, for the better.

THE TEAM OF VOLUNTEERS:
I have never seen so many people bale out on something they have committed to do or when some people offered donations of equipment but didn't follow through. It was shocking to me, but everyone who was there & everyone who did commit or who donated equipment WAS SUCH A BLESSING!

The team of people that prayed, and worked for months to ensure the success of this event were changed by the event for the better. The family that inspires us all were even more amazing during putting this event together because more things were difficult about this event than any other to date for them. It was stressful by any stretch and I can not even imagine but I have prayed for them throughout this planning and the event process. I can tell you that at every chance 7 of the Clark family members were working long hours on this festival. They each invested many hours of sweat, and some of them invested many days of hard labor. I heard volunteer after volunteer explain how much they were inspired by their compassion and dedication. Few volunteers understand the real sacrifice that this family makes, but God blesses them in ways we could only imagine. Really, their compassion is a RESPONSE to who they KNOW God is and HOW MUCH HE LOVES THEM. They draw their strength in Him.

The other volunteers who showed up each inspired me in a way that only each could. I am really grateful for getting to met each part of the team.

I am forever different because of this festival at this time in my life. I can, and without much pain make a large difference. Offering without sacrifice means nothing.

Friends or Folly?

2010-03-02T21:51:00.000-05:00

All of my friends and I are crazy.Thats what keeps us sane! (unknown)
Beauty and folly are old companions. ~ Benjamin Franklin
"Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again.” Mike Meyers quotes
Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.~ Fr. Jerome Cummings
“The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.” Ronnie Edwards
"Books, like friends, should be few and well chosen." Rainer Maria Rilke
“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.” unknown author

What do you think? Are you crazy for having friends or just crazy with your friends?

Either way, there is a price for friendships that none of us know when we begin. I choose to continue to find comfort in the things I don't know and enjoy the friends that make me laugh and cry. But I must tell you that I am more comforted by friends who look you square in the face and tell you want they think the truth is no matter how ugly, then cry with you and sit with you while you think of a way to move forward. Those are the kind of friends I would like to think Paul and Silas were to each other. (From the New Testament) As Paul and Peter were clearly when Paul interrupted a sermon to lovingly point out the inaccuracy in what Peter had begun teaching. The two (I believe) had a choice....errupt in a fist fight, or remember who they both loved and why they were friends fighting the same cause.

For whatever pain my friend, you may cause to me, be decent enough to stick around and see me through it and you will be the one I learn the most from.

My [fake] family...

2010-02-25T22:31:00.002-05:00

There are moments in my adult life when I have tried to introduce friends to my "family". Introducing my aunts or one of my uncles was difficult. Especially when my "Grandma Poley" or "Nanny Lynn" were alive it became even more complicated when they asked whose "side of the family" are they were on. "Hmmmmm." I would say, "You know they adopted all of us at the same time, so I am not sure which parent they belong to!"

Maybe you have had this conversation with another friend or adult. See, I grew up with a family tree that had no lines carved out for who "was" and who "was not" part of our family. I had a sister and a brother who I barely saw and hardly knew, but no one ever called them my "half-sibling" and no one mentioned it. It just wasn't something I understood as different. They had a step-mom, I knew, but really I didn't care why they had another mom because they were MY family.

Now, my father was blessed with the ability to work and provide for us as a family. The life style of a structural iron worker was one that relocated with the job(s). So, as I grew up, we moved many times but we always had other families who moved with us. These people, I learned later in life were not in my ACTUAL family tree but I knew they loved me, helped care for me and in a few cases we all temporarily lived together during transitions from one city to another. These other children (some my age) all called me their cousin, and I them. Our parents respected each other as siblings and best friends, they cared for each other and loved each just like the aunts and uncles I saw at Christmas. Those families, for the most part, are all still great friends with my parents and have stuck close to each other. Many times, closer than the "real" family.

The funniest part of this community-family that I loved so much was that I was able to trust my parents enough to not even doubt that these family members who loved me all year long never went to my grandma's house for Christmas or Thanksgiving. Although, my father's parents did socialize with some of this community-family that I knew as my own. I have some pictures of parties and socials that included all the community-families along with their biological family. So, in my childhood I never really thought this was strange.

As I grew into my teenage years I had many times heard the old adage, "blood is thicker than water." This was such a conflicting thought for me, since my closest family had never shared my blood lines. I understood what it was meant to say but in so many situations my biological family did not seem to run to my rescue, or help me when I was in trouble. Then I discovered a biblical reference to why my extended family had made so much sense to me.

Proverbs 27:10 says, "Your own friend and your father's friend, forsake them not; neither go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor who is near [in spirit] than a brother who is far off [in heart]."

You see, my parents weren't hippies and we didn't live in a commune. At times, my aunts or uncles helped us in needs and my parents helped them. We all built houses TOGETHER and SHARED tools, food, and supplies....but I REALLY thought EVERYONE must have done that. When we all lived on the same street for a period in time we went to and from houses with out much care. At times when we all lived farther distances, we vacationed at each others homes. This verse spoke to me on a deep level and it made sense to me instantly. One of my 'uncles' was merely a childhood friend of my father and even when time had passed, they would still love each other like brothers, since my father never had a brother. His entire family became my family and when biological family never sent me anything for special occasions, that family did. One of the families I grew up with even helped save my family from homelessness! There are so many stories I could share to explain the depth of the compassion.

I have met people who seem to have no concept of this type of friendship or compassion, especially as adults. But I am learning how to find friends who are in spirit closer than a brother/sister. It seems that in a world of misplaced trust and insecurities we hold friends at bay and don't allow them too much access to our vulnerabilities. I often try to tell people that we like to hang on to real friendships. As I am also blending a family of children who tend to want to divide themselves up by parents and "family" sets; I find myself explaining family is more about LOVE and compassion than about blood lines and family trees.

The verse I quoted is the verse I have seen in action and I can tell you that I know God's heart better because of those people who were merely neighbors but ran to my side in my day of calamity. While some of my biological family was just too far away and while other biological family could not seem to care enough to help. I love my biological family just as much, because it's easier to love them....and that's when you realize that loving your family is easier than loving others.

So, it makes sense that the dozen or so (just my guess) verses I can think of about how to love our neighbors are really there to teach us how to love them ... LIKE FAMILY . . . . hmmmmmm.

WOW. Do you have family like that nearby and don't even know it yet? Do you ever think about the friendship you are building and how much of an impact they can have on your children and in my case, my children now too! Those same aunts and uncles have grandchildren that play with my children -- who call them cousins too! I pray my children don't loose those connections, for their sakes and I pray that God sends THOSE kinds of family members to me as I learn to be that kind of friend.

Refreshing Moments

2010-02-20T23:31:00.000-05:00

Refreshing moments are not always brought to us by Coke or Pepsi or even Water! (Insert gasps here!) The life of a mom can be over stimulating and full of moments when we want to simply look the other direction and ask someone if these are their kids! Surely, something that I have loved and cherished since they were tiny would not treat me with such embarrassing moments. However, being a mother can bring you to your knees with a melted heart when your children are the instruments of love.

As my readers know, I have 5 children in my life with me now and they each have times when I smile and take in a deep breath while one of them reminds me what brings life to our souls: LOVE. My smallest little boy is currently on his way to his 2nd birthday. He fills the house with the most love and the most noise and sometimes at the same moment! His precious laughter brings joy to my heart each time I hear it. But that is not the refreshing moment that I am talking about.

To be refreshed in a way is to receive fulfillment of a thirst, true? I think that I can safely say that we are all refreshed when we let life slow down on a vacation. We also become refreshed when we stop a busy life and stressed muscles for a massage. In that same way I often need to be refreshed with the truth of kindness. It can seem so many times like being a mother is the ugliest job out there and that no one in the world is really nice to anyone else. In one week I hear the pain of meanness and the bitterness of unfair words and in the midst of it all, I have witnessed the most refreshing act of kindness. As my 2 yr old enters a room of fighting and bickering over who made a mess of the toys and who will pick up which side of the room, the 2 yr old (who was not involved in the playing or the making of the messes) begins to hum and clean. Clean and sing. Smiling as the sweetest blessing to a sibling one could give. Now, in the middle of the room still stand two other children complaining and grumbling, oblivious to the chore at hand being accomplished by an innocent bystander.

This refreshing moment brought to me tears of joy and to witness such an act I swept the 2 yr old up and offered praise and a cookie for being such a great helper. Of course, the offer left two other children in tears and their messy adventure will be a tale for another day, but I know that at the heart of every act of kindness is the heart of a child who knows they are Loved. Love does strange things to us, but it should offer refreshment to others too!

Open My Heart!

2010-01-10T22:40:00.000-05:00

As usual when God is ready to teach me something big, I have had a terrible few weeks. When I mean terrible I do not mean tragic but I mean more like irritating things that are piling up and getting under my skin. People, stuff - you name it...I am frustrated by everyone's lack of care for the lady who makes things happen in this house...that would be me! My birthday week hasn't always brought about such irritation, but it did this year when no one seemed grateful for me or thankful of my hard work.

So, I started out to church tonight with my three younger children in the van. A quick stop at my sister's home where we dropped of the youngest (no daycare tonight at church) into my brother-in-laws open arms. Picked up my mom, dad, and sister who rode with me and the other two children, Madisen (almost 5) and Jacob (almost 8).

Though the children were greally good throughout the service they get antsy towards the end. Madisen wanted to know why we were not going to the front ("up there" she called it). I asked, "Why? Do you want to go up there?"
"--Yes!! I LOVE JESUS!" She reacted.
Then I realized Andy was saying, "It's never too late, I know there are more here who need to dedicate their lives to Christ..."
So, I bent over and asked, "Is that why you want to go up there? To ask Jesus to open the door in your heart?" (This was the explanation of open doors earlier- opening up to Jesus's love.)
   "Uh Huh" she noded, "I need Jesus!"
"So, you want to go up? Do you want mommy to go too?"
   "Oh yes please" she said politely as she gently slide her hand in mine and we began a walk that would change everything.
---at the alter----
She was restless and excited about the entire adventure happening at the alter.
She was smiling from ear to ear standing on a step waiting for her turn to tell Pastor Andy what she "needed."

Although embarrassing she had announced with a whisper from the back of the small church rows that her butt hurt and she couldn't sit down. After this declaration and 4 more louder than the first statement, many thought this trip to the alter was for healing!

When Pastor Andy walked to my princess, she stood up tall and smild wide. I (mom) gave a brief explanation and turned his attention to her. As his compassionate heart took over, he compelled her to explain it all to him. She was shy and quiet at first.
He held her hands with the oil still all over them and explained the oil he would dab on her forehead, palms, and top of her right foot. (This was also described in the sermon tonight.) Then gently told her to repeat after him. The soft sweet prayer went like this:
   "I believe   in Jesus   that He died for me   and can open   the door to my heart    and fill it with His spirit."

Then he had her turn to me and say, "Mom, I'm born again!" She barely made out the words as she was so focused on being a big girl and takng my hands as an adult would to a child.

It was sweet like fresh honey from the comb and warmed my heart with joy! She lives with such passion and smiled bigger than any other day in her sweet 4 plus years.

Now, if I could just bottle the night, and remember REDEMPTION when I get so fed up with other people -

OK, maybe God's using a tiny person to help me out....
maybe?

Maybe even help me open my heart to some compassion ....??? hmmm. Maybe!

Peace, Love, Hope and Joy!

New Year - Same Destiny

2010-01-01T23:13:00.000-05:00

I hope that this year will indeed bring about the Revelation of REVOLUTION that has been spoken.

For me, this New Year Celebration was one with anticipation of the unknown journey that lay ahead but the realization that my pursuit of God's Purpose for me was no more & no less intense. I feel the same spiritually and I expect great things from this year. I will not get caught up in the pursuit of happiness for happiness sake. I will continue to forge ahead in this journey of such joy and pain with no regrets. I will stick with my same goals and dreams knowing that perseverance will work in my favor in the long term.

What will this year look like? I don't pretend to know. I will however not grow weary of my life's purpose and my joyous family that are all still relatively healthy and at peace.

What will your year look like? Will you pick a new destiny for this year to turn your life around or will you forge ahead in your current path?

I hope you will find all the joys and sorrows of each year for what they are and what they can help you accomplish.

My journey's pain and joy have equally given me the ability to empathize and encourage others. We each have a unique story that only we can translate into a positive stepping stone to our unique destiny.

I am thankful that 2009 was a great year and equally thankful that it is over!

Congrats on Making it to 2010!
Shelley

Society's Perscpective? My perscpective?

2009-11-29T16:10:00.000-05:00

My family has what most would refer to as a "history" of mental illness or "different" personalities. I must say that as any introduction, this is not typically included in my first couple of conversations with new faces. Why not? Well, I think it is obvious that it is not something we would refer to as positive traits in people. Even though the likelihood of stats would suggest that we all have an eccentric family member and some of us have those that talk to cats....we don't all like to introduce our dates to them!

I very much love my family and to me (somewho who understands their quirks) they are just part of a diverse family. Even as my nephew was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome I understood the difficulties and the trials of relating to him on his level, but watched others view my sister in judgmental ways.

However, I felt about my family or the history of having that strange uncle or that really eccentric aunt I have recently read a book that changed every thought I once had. This book was called "The Short Bus, a journey beyond normal" by Johnathan Moore. Beyond the strangely titled cover, this book fought itself about the social necessity of ab-normal labels with the rather blunt reality that some people are simply not ever going to "fit in" to what society feels is a self-reliant citizen. Johnathan Moore was himself diagnosed with learning disabilities and placed (however inappropriate) in a special ed class and began a journey that some have considered a road to normalcy but what John describes very differently. He interviews many others who are labeled with different disabilities or syndromes or even ADHD throughout the book. I immediately saw some similarities to those I knew and then saw the drastic differences as well. The most interesting thing about this journey in the book is the way John mixes his years of learning disability studies (Brown University) within the book to give the reader an actual understanding of each "label" and where it came from, the "discovery" from the doctors and even what become of those labeled throughout the recent history.

This book is compassionate and informative and is written from the perspective from someone who ahs lived a life being "labeled" so the information is written with sensitivity but also the cruel reality of what young children and young adults really think about "normal". Be aware and clearly warned that vulgar language is used to express the anger toward society and in some instances to simply ease the tension within a situation described. This author is authentic regardless of what others may judge it as. So, read it with an open mind that you (even if you are a caregiver to someone different) may not have the WHOLE inside tract on what may lay ahead of the journey.

I am compelled to handle many situations differently and I look at my own struggles with the norm very differently. How I describe my sons learning struggles will be much different than I have for the last two years. Different is good. Different requires a unique path but does not indicate abnormal. The society has changed everything we see and even taken it a step further with selective reproduction. A subject many don't like to talk about but none the less a subject vastly changing the need for our society to understand those with down syndrome or special needs or disabilities and especially physical deformation. You may not even be aware that almost all of the fetus' in this country that MAY appear with a disability are immediately aborted. REALLY!!! I didn't make that up. Some of the tests are even standard in all OBGYN offices and most of those offices will not tell the same young women the rate of false tests results. Resulting in a vast number of babies (pending your definition so I will stick with mine) who are disgaurded as abnormal so that the parents or society doesn't have to "deal with" any of the unknowns. You can say what you want about the right to choice, but understand that testing progression and fetal development research is not always looking out for how to create the God-given social enviroment but instead looking out for what they deem as the "standard of normal".

What's your normal?

Is there normal in our society?

My last thought on this subject would be my 7 year old's realization recently, "If I was just like everyone else, we would all be very boring."

I pray that you read controversial books like this one that compel us to reach within ourselves and tackle ALL of these issues and gain some understanding of just what we are judging when we use certain vocabulary considered politically correct.

Needs some Sugar!

2009-11-21T20:55:00.000-05:00

While baking some delicious cookies, a small little person came between me and the baking. Ultimately, his goal was to see what I was doing but what happened instead was a large powdering of a small little boy. I was too busy and had too much to do to get angry. I took a deep breath and told my little one to stand still! I ran for the camera and snapped a quick picture or two and began the cleaning.

This cleaning had to happen fast, because the oven was ready to have a batch taken out and the batch (you can hardly see on the counter) had to go in before the dough began to rise. This was the fastest cleaning job ever and the little guy was not happy with the confectioners sugar in every corner of his clothes, or hair. But boy was it a moment to remember!!!

Gratitude can come in many forms of praise. My children long to be with me and I see this as a form of praise. They love me so much that they want to be involved in my life. I am involved in their lives in every aspect still because of their ages. They are good with boundaries but would much rather see and experience everything I am working on.

My God wants to be involved in my life too. When I deny him, I am normally the one that ends up in the mess and He is normally the "Cleaning Crew" of my life. My messes are not as easily "fixed" and I typically hurt myself or others. But regardless, my God helps me refocus with a loving hand.

Surprisingly, just as this little curious guy was actually the first to taste the dessert....God always has a blessing waiting for me when I welcome His involvement after my poor decisions.

"COOKIES FOR EVERYONE!! Sugar's On the House!"

Birds of a Feather...

2009-11-03T14:12:00.002-05:00

FLOCK TOGETHER!

Right? Yes, I do believe this little saying is true. There is much to be said for a field full of different types of birds, but let something scare them and they disperse into the sky with their specific species.

Sure, there are many reasons and comparisons for this behavior. Those are not my point, but only a reminder to stick together my friends! When we find others who are like in Faith or who lift us up in prayer, it does us good to mingle with everyone, but when in danger or when temptation comes near - PLEASE find someone of Faith who can watch your back and support you!

Although, I should also say a quick reminder to everyone of like faith to seriously ask yourself if you help mend the wounded or if you pour vinegar on their wounds? Be cautious when someone comes to you broken or scared or torn or even in sin looking for redemption. God has not called us to be judge and jury, He called us to help, to guide and to Love one another.

Be Blessed!

Why?

2009-11-03T13:46:00.003-05:00

I have recently taken my 4 year old daughter to a Veterans Memorial in Tuscaloosa, AL. She happens to be a huge GI JOE fan (thanks to her dad) and was amazed at how small some of the real life transportation vehicles were. In typical 4 yr old fashion, she surprises me at every turn with wisdom that she has given a lot of thought.

We stared at the memorial in silence. As she looked over to wipe away my tears she asked me what a memorial was. In a quite prayer, I explained that a memorial is something we build or construct or keep to help remind us of something. I said a quite but audible prayer to the sovereign Lord to watch over the current men and women fighting for our country in every area of service.

She asked a few questions about the jeep and the plane but what really caught her eye was this helicopter. "Daddy has one of those!" she exclaimed when we first drove up. Funny, because her daddy simply has a GI Joe helicopter which to her is apparently the same as having one in life size! One of her questions cut to my heart more than any other and it has taken me some time to decide how to put it in this blog. Very strangely as we talked about the names on the walls she began to piece it together in her little mind. Puzzled she inquired, "Why do those real life GI Joe's want to die anyway mommy? Is there bad guys like Cobras?" I pondered for at least a minute before answering my delicate sweet daughter. I wanted to tell her 'No, of course not!' But on the other hand I knew that if not put into some tangible terms she would feel lost and in typical girl fashion worry about what she didn't understand. Finally as a few more tears surfaced on my face I stated something like this, "You know what Madisen; there are always brave men and women who are willing to protect us and none of them want to die but sometimes that just happens. And just like we tell you not to talk to strangers, there are some times bad guys....But Jesus promises to always be with us, He said we don't have to be afraid of the bad guys."

It was almost as humbling as standing at the edge of the ruins of the WTC in NYC. I thought this would be a great experience (we were right there at across the street from the memorial) that I should seize. I was not prepared for my bright daughter to so deeply question my own beliefs.

As people I know currently serve this country, and as relatives I loved gave parts of themselves to previous wars, I could not escape the cost of war. Mentally, or physically, or sometimes in life itself the statement is always true that All Men Gave Some but Some Men Gave All. I pray often and frequently for my freedoms, my friends, their families and my family to cherish and honor the brave.

My soul wonders if the spiritual war in this land has been given as much thought in the churches today as the war in the Middle East consumes the media. I pray that our eyes are opened to the war all around us and the sad casualties that are taken every day.

Thank you for reading my ramblings ~ Be Blessed.

Are you the sleeping church?

2009-09-27T17:37:00.000-04:00

WARNING:

This post is meant to only reveal the personal thoughts of how I see where I fit into the church (which means the body of Christ, to include all believers) of this end time moment in history. I will reference creditable prophets of God both in the Word and in what is considered modern day. However, I hope only to get others thinking about what part they play in the larger picture, without any condemnation or judgment. Please continue to read.

It is fairly obvious that we as a global society are far closer to any “end times” than ever before. Even without Biblical knowledge, logic can tell you that when the world has vicious dictators holding nuclear power you are always in reach of a world war.

The end times I speak of are directly related to the coming of the Holy Redeemer. Though, in my belief of the many descriptions written in the bible, my understanding is that a great awakening will take place within the church (body of Christ) which will insight a major revival. Also referred to as the reformation of the church allowing the ability and passion to pursue the saints (ministers of the gospel) to literally reach out to every corner of the world in the Name of Jesus. In this pursuit of reaching the globe, the body of believers is referred to as the bride of Christ. Also known to many as the sleeping giant that will arise will a righteousness that will take the enemy by storm turning hearts back to the Father. (Again my paraphrase) This bride in waiting will be made pure according to the Word. To me, this requires a sanctification that will happen through the Grace of God when the church repents of its sin. Spreading the message of repentance but MOST IMPORTANTLY the LOVE of God.

OK, I know I just spit a lot at you, but you have to understand what I am about to reference. My husband and I have been ringside to see the powerful desperate CHANGE that has come over US, some of our friends and a small portion of this country. The kind of dramatic change found in the breakthrough and freedom of Christ’s Love. We have also been planted in a local church body that over the last few years has ebbed and flowed in and out of the true love of Christ’s bride. Of course, I am part of that church and thus have been at times part of that problem. And to speak to that I can only say that God is faithful to pursue me even in my disbelief of His love for me. I love this church and I know they love me. I know that right now my church is walking in the holy Love of Christ. I am very proud of my small part I can play to serve in my local body.

In the larger body of Christ, I have a voice too. The men and women who mentor or whom have spoken Life into my destiny profoundly affect me. Though I am thankful, I know they have only been the mouthpieces for a loving Father who desires me to risk it all in order to reach the lost so that they may be found. This love that fills my life and makes it worth living is the love that will rise within the church and drawn out the sounds of despair and pain. The church as a whole from my small corner of the world is lacking the perseverance to their message. If we truly believe what we claim, then we should forever sing of the Lords favor and Love. But so many draw their last praises as soon as the stormy waters rise in their lives.

Let me tell you that as the storm winds blow and friends desert me, I can not think of anything negative to say about serving Christ. My life has not been without pain or suffering but through it all I have found a voice, my voice, my own purpose to this life that can not be taken away. As this end time woman of God, I find more work for me outside of the church rather than in it even while I participate I find more in need of the body of Christ and those in need of refuge. The local church is my refuge but not a hiding place from the call of God. I hope that in your every day life you can say with certainty that the people in your life, touched by your life and ultimately by the God in you are set free from the chains that bind up the current “western church.”

Isaiah 58:6-11 Describes the breakthrough and Light that follows those that seek God in prayer and fasting. I challenge you to look it up. God through Isaiah is expressing that you will find FREEDOM and CHANGE when you seek God with the right heart. You will also BE the church in the way you care for others with the Love of Christ.

I guess I would love to know, are you hiding from the real mission field while you spend all the days of the week hiding in your church? Are you reaching those around you with Love? When was the last time you saw Isaiah 58 breakthrough? Are you listening to the voice of reason, or are you taking steps to care for others with reckless abandon to the reputation you hold so dear? Are you serving with a heart that has grown cold and you feel like nothing is changing? Do you grow weary in doing good deeds because no one sees all the great things you have done?

I challenge you to honestly pray and ask God, “What would you have me do?” then try “Give me courage to Love with agape love and not look back!” and if you are serious about being a part of this cry across the country you can even ask, “Show me your true bride of Christ in my area that can prove I am not alone in my cry for change!”

And like I said in the beginning…the true bride of Christ will not stay within their church but will not abandon their storehouse. The bride of Christ that is waking will begin to see how we really do all need each other and there is no competition in reaching the lost or meeting the needs of the world. You see, the need is too great for one denomination, or one creed or even one congregation!

If you have read any headline about any pastor who has committed great sins, than you too believe in the word of the end times. 2 Timothy 3 declares it this way:

^“1But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. ²People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, ³without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, ⁴treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— ⁵having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.”

I have been in and seen the “churches” in my country that “have a form of godliness but deny its power”! I challenge you to see what Isaiah spoke from the Lord in the Old Testament. If you lack the power of loosing the bondage of sins, then you have not been effective. What makes you effective?? The true Love of God, which draws you unto him, and HE will give you your voice! When you speak with His voice, in righteousness, He will set the captives free!

I pray that like my own life has been changed by this revelation, so too can you find a revelation in why God’s power is so important and no spectacle to be worshiped but merely a symptom of seeking Him.

Laughter Joins Hearts

2009-09-03T16:07:00.007-04:00

You can easily laugh at others and sometimes you can laugh at yourself with ease. The key in my life is to have someone to laugh with. This allows the other person to remind you of the funny moments when life has thrown a ton of bricks at you. In my childhood my sister was there to turn to and find something funny to watch or laugh at. In some of those sad moments of childhood - my sister found ways to cheer me up and we would laugh (and cry) together. I am grateful for a Grandmother who always found a practical joke and some ole slap-stick humor to be the best remedy this side of heaven.

My adult life leaves me without the constant companionship of my sister (although she is close to call on) and my grandmother went to the everlasting place of Joy in 2002. Life however did not make me wait to much longer until I met someone who would remind me how to find humor in the most darkest moments I would face. In the middle of my personal hell of a divorce and a failed attempt to pretend I could change someone, I met a few people at work who saw my need for some good laughs. My newly found friend Melissa was all too excited about life and always had "the bright side" of things up for discussion. She also has the ability to make anything funny...me, or work or someone we could make fun of (only in clean fun)! She could make me laugh at myself without any effort. Between my quick comebacks and her clever humor we were like a match made in comedy heaven for my soul. It seems that even when I need to do some dreadful task at work and she was the messenger of death - she did it with humor and a smile. I was grateful for our time together in the workplace.

It was also because of her that my life would change forever. As a new management "team" member would be joining my store and she had the inside scoop. She was funny and witty about who this guy was and how great he was at his job. (He was already her mentor...little did I know.) She had no designs for match-making and only knew a small amount about the turbulent life I was then leading. (Being followed several times a week by soon-to-be-ex or in-laws and such ridiculous natured stuff.) She was available to lend an ear - but I kept most of it under wraps. Regardless - she was sure I needed to find some more things to smile about. Her solution was Asa's sense of humor. She mentioned one day that I should really come sit and have lunch with her and her counterpart/ boss because we all had such similar "funny bones" and we would make lunch a riot together. Asa was not too happy with fraternization among employees...not yet any way!! (wink, wink)

Long story short: We took each other by surprise in many ways. My new friends at work became so much more. Melissa was our Maid of Honor in our small informal toes-n-the-sand beach wedding less than a year later.

Asa is my best friend and my closest companion in love and laughter. We have found laughter in the darkest of days. When people you thought would never abandon did just that and when no one was there but us. There was laughter.

One night we awoke to what sounded like coughing but with a smell of yesterday's juice. We knew that it was gonna be a long night. I grab the closest towel to run to the scene when Asa grabs my arm to say, " - stop! Just use the clean part of the sheet they have already thrown up on...don't make more laundry...." This was typical of his man-theology regarding laundry.

A few months later, we were dressing the first turkey I ever had to make and tears were welling up inside my eyes as I missed my grandmother so desperately. She was the best and I could not live up to the memory of the tastes of her turkey. Asa grabbed the recipe card and then the pan with the turkey. As he made the turkey dance the polka from the pan... he laughed about how he would eat whatever was to become of that turkey! Asa declared that if the turkey was good I would get all the credit and if something went wrong - it would all be his fault. The thought of a man who had recently mis-read a simple recipe and ruined two nights worth of dinner now claiming to make a turkey alone was enough to cheer me up for the rest of that long day.

There are so many more moments that I am sure I will share but I just wanted to remind you that laughter does in deed make the heart grow fond. It grows with joy and laughter always brings a sense of reality that things could almost always be worse.

When my laugh may fade into gray for a moment in the overall length of this lifetime; May I always remember the warmth of laughter with a loved one can warm the heart a far greater time than comedy alone. - Shelley

KIDS....love em or....love em more!

2009-08-31T21:16:00.002-04:00

I was the teenager who declared OFTEN, " I do NOT want children!" I was so happy being the Aunt that adored (and still do) my sisters children so much. What could be better? They were well behaved children who unconditionally loved me and we had great relationships.

Then one day - God got a hold of me and I found out that my desire was not that I didn't WANT children but that I was AFRAID to be a bad mother. Life lessons are hard when they are learned at the expense of our hearts being broken. My heart was so torn and so desparate to heal. It took a LONG time for God to finish the work in me. It took much longer for the pain of miscarriage after miscarriage to even sink in as real. However, once Jacob was born my sweet little man become so much fun. Even in his skillful deconstruction of things I was amazed at how much more I could love him.

Children require us to be parents with the type of love that grows stronger when their wills get in the way of right. I know that there are times when my children have completed a giant mess and felt so proud of themselves while all I felt was the anxiety of HOW to clean it! Yet, even in the nature of a childs imagination their desires to create must be somehow nurtured and sculpted. They MUST be disciplined when they know they are doing something wrong, but we have to give them an outlet to express all that creative energy.

Hopefully, your child will be creative with playdo instead of poop....or learn how to color with crayons and paper - not lipstick on the couch as mine did. Any way you slice child rearing you come up with the same solution....JUST Love them more. The bigger the problem, the more love you need. Sometimes that love is tough and demands boundaries. That's ok - keeping the boundaries will require lots of love anyway.

May you find joy and peace!

BE The Church!!

2009-08-26T23:28:00.002-04:00

I have been marinating on a word for a few weeks now. How to Be The Church....So, here is my digestion of the whole situation. We must indeed DO the WORKS not just SAY who works. I can be the church while I am in need of receiving something the "church body" can provide. I can be the church while I am meeting needs of others. I can be the church in leadership or in the most unseen servants position.

There is only one requirement to any of it...BE willing to accept who you are at any moment in time in your life.

This may seem like an easy requirement but I have meditated on it for the last few weeks as I have been in such a roller-coaster ride of purchasing a newly constructed home. I think if we look at ourselves square in the mirror and get honest we will find ourselves never really wanting to accept who we are in a particular moment. In the moments of great need, I have found myself stretching for the thoughts of plenty and in the moments of great joy I tend to look ahead to the next need. Not very many moments of our lifetimes are spent in the moment. IF WE DO NOT KNOW WHICH MOMENT WE ARE WALKING THROUGH WE CAN NOT FULFILL OUR CURRENT ROLE IN THE CHURCH BODY.

Are you in need? - Be honest and reach out to receive from God's people. (Whoever God sends, no matter what they may look like.)

Are you in a time of plenty? Money/Time/Man Power/Resources/Etc... - Be honest and reach out to give to others who GOD LEADS to you. (Whatever they look like.)

Are you walking through a time of contentment? Financially/Spiritually/Emotionally - Be honest enough to etify others in/out of the body of Christ. Give solid testimonies to others and reach out to offer some hope. (No matter how successful someone looks - testify any way, speak up in bible study, encourage in all things.)

We all too often forget that last question because we somehow don't think that we have anything to give while we may not have more supplies, we can provide MORE THAN FINANCIAL support with our WALK of FAITH. Show others that in your walk of Faith God has led you to a place of true peace - in plenty or in famine.

No matter what your circumstances, you are called to seasons in your life. Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven"

Accept that season, sow in it whatever you have to sow and you will find that God will turn that Harvest into the peace that flows when we function as He intended.

I pray that I will rejoice and be glad in each day and what that day holds. I pray for anyone who reads this: that they will see just how interconnected each of our life's moments are in the possible success of others. In Jesus' Mighty Name, Amen.

Ministers God trust!

2009-08-02T11:12:00.002-04:00

If you have ever been exposed to churches in America, then you have possibly been exposed to a theology about mans laws. I pray that you don't know what I am talking about but if you do, let me share with you a few ministries that I place my trust in to take the GOSPEL of JESUS around the world.

Have you ever heard of James 1? Read this:
Verses 26-27: If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

These minsitries all do what James issues in the first chapter. This verse I listed is proceeded by a verse spoken of often - "Do not merely listen to the Word and so deceive yourselves. Do what It Says."

www.wcfym.com Kaye Beyer - meeting the Nations and delivering a mighty message of LOVE to all who come in contact with her team. Doing WHATEVER is needed in an area she is sent. Her and her husband (now passed on) have been missionaries for over 30 years. She continues to shine the light of Jesus with caring hands ready to pray and work. God's Glory falls on every hungry crowd that follows her ministry. The Glory of God shows up in signs, miracles and wonders...and each time you can tell that it takes her breathe away. She is so humble and worthy of the great work God does through her.

www.glenclark.net The Clark Family - an entire family devoted from the youngest to the oldest in sharing the good news of Faith in our Powerful God. AMAZING family of Musicians. They go were "Christians" dare not trot and they feed the homeless at ever turn, giving of themselves, they truely DID sell everything and give it to the poor...the cost of their missions is everything that they have at that moment...and God gives it all back and they return it to God by sowing into lost, broken and desparate lives.

www.michaeltyrrell.com Michael & Lillian Tyrrell - Michael is an amazing Man of God who flows in the TRUE prophetic realm of giftings, but his talent the lost FIRST see is the musical ability to draw you into every note he plays on any one of his guitars...with the power of Angels behind each. His messages of healing, true servanthood and the OBEDIENCE he has to do and go where ever God leads is hard to find. (Almost difficult to make out in this world.) Miracles and signs follow God's work, and Michael's personality of humility allows each audience or person to see that he stays amazed but could walk away from the signs and wonders any day of the week. Just something you don't find in every church.

www.ChurchOnTheStreet.com Atlanta, GA - The people and pastors and missionaries in this ministry spend everyday - each day of the year - rehabilitating, LOVING, caring for and ministering the Gospel's PEACE to the forgotten homeless of downtown & surrounding parts of Atlanta. There is so much I can say about this ministry, but seriously, the broken lives restored really says it all. They meet the REAL needs of people in food, LOVE, Jesus, housing and restoration.

If you think that God is not real, that the "evangelist" are fake and that God must be fake too? Then, listen to me when I say - GOD IS NOT A LIE - but sometimes the people who speak of him are. HOWEVER - there is NO REASON TO THROW OUT GOD just because the bath water got dirty. (Baby in bathwater theory.) God is moving in THIS TIME - IN THIS GENERATION - and in THESE DAYS - you just have to look in the places outside of where you thought he would be.

You won't find any of these ministries setting up a camp in a big church with stained glass, but occassionally you will find them roaming threw one to get people out into the streets...into the wastelands...and into new ministries.

I pray you find a ministry that really meets your needs in a church, but I pray more that you find a mission team to support and love and pray for, like the ones I listed above.

New Work in Me (Long One)

2009-07-27T22:18:00.000-04:00

I can’t explain in a blog just how strange and dysfunctional my childhood was but I can bet that everyone could relate or has an extended family member that can. So, I will tread carefully but just want to point out that in MY childhood, I thought things were great….sometimes…..and sometimes I was genuinely scared to death (mostly of being abandoned or forgotten and not so much injured). With that understanding, you can make sense of the childlike faith that I held to with the grip of both of my hands: “There MUST be a God and He has to protect me – SOMEHOW!”

Well, as you get older you change your ideas, but you also grasp an understanding of what was really happening in and around you as a child. So, my life seemed less scary as I got older in many senses. However, I will not lie that in other extremes my openness and ability to believe in the supernatural left me vulnerable to some pretty scary unknowns. The only thing I knew for certain was that I could feel, sometimes see and sometimes hear the supernatural realm. I had NO DOUBT in angels or demons or spirits or whatever adults wanted to call them…but I knew they were there.

Ok, so now that you think I was a strange “Sixth Sense” kid…I wasn’t!! I jokingly admit though that I saw several ‘people’ who didn’t have explanations or never seemed to stay around for an adult to witness them helping me. So, maybe I was open to the world that so many people don’t want to hear or see or feel.

When God became an understanding of something I needed as a savior for my own mistakes and to find the comfort that could fill the emptiness inside – I jumped at the chance to experience a new sense of peace. I WAS ALL IN!

Fast-forward 24 years and I am in a summer when God has OVERWHELMED me with an eye-witness view of the crazy unexplainable miracles of signs and wonders this side of Heaven. Of course, I again deal with the people who don’t want to believe me and I am alright with that too.

God has once again been pouring out love in ways that are reaching the people who are willing or maybe open to seeing, hearing or touching something beyond themselves. Gold Dust from heaven has been appearing on a lot of people in the area at different times and different churches. Jewels have dropped out of the thin air to be found to have no imperfections. I just posted on my Face Book the account of a musician who travels as a Messenger (Seer) and whose guitar frets turned to solid gold. The pours of men’s hands oozing sweet smelling oil and being able to pray with that oil to see miracles happen.

None of this is NEW….except the work God is doing in my own heart and mind. This year started for me with a revelation from God that my season for tilling the ground was coming to an end, but that I was on the mountain side and had a difficult climb to reach the promise land where my blessings would flow freely. That word was in February. March got even more difficult, I thought until April rolled around and life looked like a scary place of uncertainty with only the exception that I would hold to the promise of my God’s whisper. I can go on month by month but you can trust me that hurdles became a lot more frequent and emotionally challenging. But I held to the love that I found in the Word.

This NEW work…wow has been a long work on my heart but I am finally seeing the changes! This is my own sense of compassion for others and circumstances that can change in an instance. This is a work that has left me less afraid to be rejected and more willing to be vulnerable. These last months in this year have unraveled so many twisted lies that had become the glasses I saw my own life through. I have a clearer picture of my worthiness in the Kingdom of God’s Love. I can understand a little more that I really never understood anything about God! I am looking at the world cautiously aware that everyone longs to admit that the supernatural fascinates them and some people will deny my very testimony and I am ready to accept that too.

There really is freedom in realizing your purpose in life can not be very far away from TODAY. Because without TODAY – you’ll never get to TOMORROW – and only in living for TODAY will you ever be satisfied with the choices you make and the people you love enough to save and the courage you find to tell people the truth.

The truth is that I am free to love deeper, knowing that I will be hurt but that God will protect and mend me in His perfect way; I am at peace with the conflicts around me and my role that I can play as a Peacemaker or as a protector of my children but not as an innocent victim; I am finally at rest in the sense that rest follows me in my very long list of things to do and rest resides in my heart to know it will not all get done in one day but that is ok too.

I pray that you find yourself in such a tangible relationship with the Father’s Love and the comfort of the Cross of Jesus that you too can work through/walk through/climb over and battle this life holds for you without fear of going alone or being abandoned.

Reaping....??..A Home?

2009-07-24T10:35:00.002-04:00

This is a picture of our almost finished home. I am so excited I can hardly sleep at night. Can this really be happening....I hope so!

When my life was feeling like a failure and I could not make my (first) marriage work after years of trying everything....when the relationship within the marriage was violent and unhealthy....I thought surely my God who loved me would get me out of it all alive but -- I never thought that God would give me the opportunity to BEGIN OVER....AND START A NEW...

Of course, if you read my blog you know that I have a beautiful family, loving and supportive marriage with my best friend and what I know is the perfect person for me. So, yes God did want me to be happy and healthy. I understand that God designs us to make our own choices, but He knows those choices and how they will turn out and in His faithfulness, goodness and Love for us He has our "backup" plan written into His will already -- so that He may be glorified and that His goodness will be our testimony. (Versus our own thoughts that we could've done it alone.)

When I moved into my first apartment (after leaving my marriage) I looked around in awe and fear. And over a year later, when I realized my credit was in ruins -- my life was beginning with Asa and I really felt my heart settle into the life of a nomad.

We sowed countless hours into other peoples homes and we always held the upmost respect for the places we lived as though they were ours. I know that the years of paying rent would never amount to any credit balancing. My heart has just simply bleed a little each year when I think of the amount of money we were paying other people with no real security or home to show for it all. That amount will be something a little more than 67,500 dollars. It's a lot when you look at it in a lump sum. That was the last 6 years....In the early years held some times when in order to pay rent, we sold stuff, borrowed money and just plan didn't eat as we feed our children instead. But what I know is that God is smiling on our ability to learn to trust in Him, budget according to what are net income is and really learning to be humble and grateful for all that we have.

In my pursuit to always glorify the Creator who has given me all things...I can only be thankful that all my years of trusting and teaching myself and my kids to respect what we have -maybe the sun is shinning on my face and the wind is at my back for the first time in a long time. I accept that God is a good God...I have even when my life was in the pits. I accept my faith all the more in the face of blessings.

Lord, please let me remember that a short moment ago in my pain, I knew you were God and even in the possibility of goodness - I know you are a good god. That in this life when you said, risk it all and watch it return...or bury it and get nothing at all....that my risks are paying off in a home I can cherish, respect, clean and create a place of safety and security for my family. It seems as though your mercy shines on me even as so many are loosing their homes, continue to guide me and let me not forget what I have learned about trusting in you and working within my budgets. Father God, I am so thankful and in awe of you I respond with my whole heart.

Years versus God

2009-07-18T09:56:00.005-04:00

The last few weeks I have heard, seen and felt God like never before. For my friends on Face Book, it has probably seemed really strange. I have had my head anointed with a message of freedom which broke years of feeling undeserving off of my neck. I have talked about the literal gold dust falling from an unseen source inside a church service (I saw this with my very eyes). I left with Gold Dust all over my head, face and some on my hands. I have tried to explain that while a man stood speaking to us fresh oil literally began to flow out of the pores of his hands with the scent of vanilla. (A scent unlike that you have really smelled.) You don't have to believe me...I had the experience, watched this man never leave the presence of the crowd....and when the oil from Heaven (anointing oil) began to flow, this servant of the Lord prayed for everyone in the room (even the children) I watched as the last child was prayed for and the oil, the scent and the skin of his hands dried completely in an instant.

The power of God has not left when we have left us when we left these services. During the week as my children and I sang songs of praise and worship Noah got excited about something in the sky. Moments later sitting at the table we saw the Gold Flakes (just one or two) on his little forehead. Later in the week, sparkling dust appeared on my shoulders and neck. The manifestation of the Glory also has given us UNIMAGINABLE FAVOR with people who didn't seem to be able to control themselves.

Ok, I know that those things seem sensational. The God of Elijah, the God of Abraham, the God of Sampson, the God of Elisha and the Bible IS a God who does BIG things. Things that this Western Century church doesn't want to believe, because it may CHANGE something we KNOW. The third world countries, the countries where Christians are still tortured and murdered and the countries that are DESPERATE for God have not been abandoned by the miracles, signs and wonders. So it is my belief that what has happened in this country and the Western Civilization REALLY has been that WE LEFT GOD. We put on horses blinders to keep from seeing the UNEXPLAINABLE GOD. The Church, the Body of Christ made choices to rather have God easy to explain and evangelize than have the tangible presence of the Most High in our midst.

For the last several years a movement has been happening within this Western world, but also around the world of a new wave ~ new revival ~ new fire ~ new desire for God ~ new authentic need for CHANGE ~ new anointing IS falling.

These two pictures are a sample of this last weekend and this weekend (some yet to come). Michael Tyrrell, one of the many instruments of God in these holy revivals is on stage in these photos. A man of integrity and a man of deep compassion for the Body of Christ. Authentic doesn't even begin to describe the miracles, the deliverance and the mercy that flows from his ministry. www.michaeltyrrell.com

I know that there are no tricks, no lights and no special effects, and yet the small bubbles or cloudy circles seen in these pictures were some of God's tangible presence captured on digital film. Believe me or not....my 15 month old son was chasing something....so I would take a picture and immediately see that He would be pointing at or standing near these little orbs. It may be hard to see online, but I don't need the evidence - I have the experience.

I had a remarkable few years during my adolescence to see revival sweep this city and tri-county area. I first-hand saw in services in many different churches, arenas and tents the miracles from Heaven send healing, peace and unspeakable joy. The interesting part to me as I think about those years these past few weeks is how time didn't change in Heaven. Heaven has no time, and therefore the God of Elisha (double portion God) and the God of the disciples (New covenant portion) are all the same God. The same God...different Me.

I began to "grow up" experience the good, the miracles and the sin of life. The more that I matured the less I believed whole-hearted that I DESERVED the same God. The less I believed that the childlike faith was ENOUGH. The less I SAW that GOD COULD DO anything I believed. Doubt drove me into a sleepy like state of unbelief in a God the Is Bigger than my problems and bigger than my enemy. I doubted my worthiness to the prophecies spoken over my life during those revivals in the early 90's. I lived like a brides maid who would never get married but would be stuck in the ugly dress, covered with shame (some of which I didn't deserve).

My eyes have been opened to the God who blesses US, and Loves us EVEN we are making foolish, selfish choices. I believed that the Grace message I used to bring people to Christ was all I needed, but now I see that the GRACE MUST transform my THINKING, my SEEING, and my BELIEVING. I am His Beloved. I can run to God with all my faults, my doubts and my sin and He will STILL answer me, BUT MORE THAN THAT --- He will STILL inhabit the praises of His people. In the hunger for righteousness and peace He changed me over the last few weeks.

My dreams have become clear again. My children look less like a burden of ministry and more like a precious jewel to protect. My destiny is at hand instead of lost. My gifts and talents will be used today, like I will meet Jesus tomorrow. I will not fear rejection. I will not doubt who God said I am in Him. I will not doubt that I can change. I will be a trumpet, or a violin, or a soft voice, or a loud praise....whatever He says, whenever He says....I can not hide from my childlike faith.

Sure 'life' will continue to be difficult in parts (as it has been the last few weeks) and I am confident that my flesh and bones will continue to need food, sleep and water. However, my ability to look for and believe for the fresh manna from Heaven will not waiver. Not when I look one day at a time, or see gift after gift and one praise at a time.

If you think that life has changed you, then you are probably right. Think of when you were a small child and imagine I told you that precious stones would fall from Heaven - you would be looking in the sky all day, every day. As a 4 or 5 year old you would not doubt me over time and you would not forget. Oh, I pray that the faith of a child to believe will begin to manifest in you life. The Lord gave you gifts and talents to use for His glory and to bring peace to you and to others. I pray that you find the dreams or talents or hopes that inspire you to Give God the Praise and the Glory and then inspire you to look for Heaven in the real world.

Dreams equal open doors

2009-07-15T21:55:00.002-04:00

One of my very good friends will graduate with her doctrate in a few weeks. I am so proud of her to fight through all that life has poured out on her and finish such a large task. The unseen work and countless hours of research will seem to pay off. The real payoff is the experience and life that has happened since she started on the journey. And all the detours and re-directions that brought her to this point.

One could argue that the search for her degrees allowed her to experience more in life than she could have read in a book. Although, without the goal in sight, there are may have never been the search for some of those open doors.

So, I have been thinking about how we can seem to wander around aimlessly. When we see a goal, dream or desire that is off in the distant future we tend to gravitate to open opportunities that will lead us to the goals.

Why is it so hard to commit to a goal and be willing to change direction if we become different people and begin to desire different things? I am so glad that my goals for 20 years ago are still reachable but I am also thankful that a few of them evolved over time. I can't imagine what God actually has for my pathway, but I know that my ultimate goal will come to pass as long as I keep dreaming and working toward it.

Without goals or dreams we may end up somewhere we like in life, but we won't always get there via the fastes road. Our dreams serve the purpose to keep us moving and working and they help keep our head up!

Proverbs 21:25 "The desire of a lazy person will kill him because his hands refuse to work."

I challenge you to think today about the inner desire you had or still hold on to. Is it to create something? Be unique? Be successful? How can you start doing those things today, and work toward fulfilling your inner desires? Success after all is in the feeling not the monetary!

Our words, hopes & dares

2009-07-13T08:44:00.000-04:00

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words break something that is not tangible. The parts of us that get broken by words are more than repairable, but the mending is not as easy as a cast. The words of encouragement bring about change in a positive way just as the words and actions of others reflect onto our hopes, dreams, desires and what we dare to TRY.

Everyone knows when you get broken bones a doctor resets it and puts it in a cast to be immobile while it heals. The cast also serves a great unspoken purpose to easily let others know that you can not function as whole yet…it’s easy to see you can’t move the arm or leg or hand or foot by the visible cast placed on the sight.

If only we had casts for the brokenness that can be caused by our word wars. The bandage would have to keep us from interacting with others, and keep us from doubting our dreams. It is simply impossible to accomplish such a task in this realm.

There are so many extremes if what I have brought up, but withstanding those extremes I am really just referencing the normal fights, bullying and damage done by living in this society. The hazards are all around, but once you are wounded by someone the smallest issue of the heart can leave you bleeding all over yourself and spilling into your hopes and desires for the future.

I think that when God encouraged us to love each other and to love our enemies it was not just to help spread the message of Love. I think that it was also to allow us to dwell on the loving aspect of others. When I dwell on the good I find it a lot easier to mend this mental damage and spiritual wounds opened during emotional wars. What happens to us when all we can focus on is the negative spoken over us or the disapproval of others? I think we change our course of directions and we shrink away from the destiny within our hearts. I know that when I am looking for the positive, I see more good than before. I am not merely talking about visualizing good…I am talking about doing good, speaking good and reflecting only on what is TRUTH about us.

If there be imperfections within us all, let us tackle it with a positive look into changing who we are, NOT who people THINK we are.

Let me care less about what might be said about me, but more about what I may say “good” about others. Let me DARE to change the world one WORD, one DREAM, one HOPE at a time!

OPEN...closed...

2009-07-07T11:07:00.003-04:00

Surely you have seen those OPEN signs in stores. With the internet purchases most businesses are literally OPEN constantly any day of the week.

I began to think last night that I have a sign like that too. I can be open to what God wants me to do, I can be open to meet new people and I can be open to allow people to see me as I really am. There is a problem with this lifestyle. God will fill me no matter what but people will always hurt me. Someone may just hurt my feelings without intention, but some people choose to hurt me by choosing to use my realness as a vulnerable place to hit me.

I don't always understand how someone can choose their own selfishness or their own motives in order to push people away. The interesting thing to me is that what God has set in motion is OFTEN that the person they are pushing away can offer them so much more than the selfish choices they are making.

In so many situations we do not always understand how God has built our lives on people and circumstances that will all cross paths at some point in seen and unseen ways. Sometimes we see this easily in meeting someone "out of place" and claiming "it's a small world" but often we fortget. We forget just how the one drop of rain can leave a ripple even on a windy day. If we choose to live our lives in a way that only pleases our immediate desires we will eventually be surrounded by people we have hurt and we will always be more miserable in the end.

I pray that God gives me the strength to see through the pain and seek His guidance on how to love people without letting them in my life. I can not be OPEN to people who desire to see me in pain...so God will make a table for me in front of mine enemies, but I will not have to serve them...My God does not tell me to host events for my enemies...NO, He will host the event...I do not need to interact with my enemies until He calls me to the feast...instead, He has called me to show them Love...which I understand will be to not allow them to go hungry, go cold in the streets, to be thirsty when I pass them by...but I will NOT continue to show them my openness into my inner vulnerabilities. I pray that God will guard my heart, take me to the refuge and allow the enemy to destroy themselves with their own greed and selfishness. I pray for protection and I ask that God shield my home from the wrath of these people that seek to defeat my God's will in my life. Amen.

Independence

2009-07-05T22:53:00.002-04:00

Isaiah 46:4 is God speaking to His people (all of us) that He made us each individually and He will carry us, sustain us and WILL rescue us. Note that this statement is a declaration of who He WAS, IS, and WILL be. The concept is not easily accepted into our minds that have the trouble of the world all around us. However, if we focus on the PROMISE of the pending rescue.

See our real issue becomes recognizing the rescue meant for us. If we don't see the earth as God sees it then we can not possibly see what lies ahead in our future. God does know what is just ahead on my path and what will happen years from now. He will know what the proper rescue will be in a time of difficult situations.

The picture below is so sweet and a wonderful reminder of the dependency of an infant to it's parents or caregiver. We are always this needy with God, but we don't always realize it. Sometimes we think more like 2 year olds than infants. You know what I mean; we throw tantrums and wail on the floor when God wants to change our minds about the place we THOUGHT we were going...mostly because when the parent said "Let's get a banana" the 2 year old heard "let's go to Nana's". So the 2 year old gets impatient and down right ugly when a banana is proudly presented and no grandparent turns up!

The biggest complaint of a parent with a terrible toddler will tell you that their desire for independence brings them to misunderstanding about when they need help and when they don't. Isn't that JUST LIKE ME with my relationship with God!! I completely misinterrupt my situations and sometimes think I need to be rescued when all I need is perspective. When I caused the certain need for Godly help like when really I just needed to stop what I am doing and go to the bathroom BEFORE I go on the long car ride. (Examples from life: Count the cost of a project before starting it as the word declares. Or Stop to seek God's approval before transplanting my family across the country with no job opportunities in sight.) Things which could cause heartache most likely are not all going to get "removed" from our life as much as we surrounded ourselves with circumstances which feel uncomfortable. (Not a real 9-1-1 emergency - just a small finder-binder!)

We don't always hear what we want to hear and we don't always get rescued the way we want.

BUT WE ALWAYS GET RESCUED...

What's your shell?

2009-06-27T06:31:00.000-04:00

We have a hobby that takes up a ton of space but really works for us and our kids. They get to experience the joys of watching God's creation live, eat and breed, raise babies (fry) and then the fry do the same. We shield our children from the death portion by not really naming the fish and by making sure they don't see carnage.

I have my favorite types of fish and Asa has his but we both agree on the shell-dwelling community fish that have come to take over so many of our tank setups. The most fun is to watch them pick out which shell they will inhabit and usually the males and females choose their own. Then when the mood is right they will share a shell. Some species even mate for life and share the shells regardless of breeding cycles.

Watching them dash into these shells and escape virtually undetectable in most harder shells just blows me away. I was thinking today about how I wish I had a shell that was only big enough for me and (maybe) a mate. Surely there are times with this large family and all these demands make me feel like I am under attack...no choices will be the right choices, so I should just go hide. YEA! But in a longer trail of thoughts I began to realize I hide plenty. I hide behind the cooking when my kids are under my feet. I sometimes hide in the bathroom and sit in the corner to read for a few minutes (this doesn't always stop anyone). Recently I have just hide under my covers in the early morning hours when a child gets up for the day and should still be sleeping. Of course, I always take care of things and never truely hide for more than a minute or two but the thoughts today made me think.

The problem with the fish is pretty simple...they will (in the wild and aquariums) never really venture very far from their shells. In several cases these mates will only ever be one square foot from each other or their "homes" in case of pending danger. W O W. That is a tiny "foot print". In the wild, they find homes that are in areas with plenty of food that will come to them and shelter is only as far away as that little shell. The fry stay in the shell too and will be cornered to the small space by the parents.

See the problem I am having right now is that I so long for that hiding place that I am not willing to risk the danger to stray too far from home. Of course I am referring to an inner sphere of safety and not my actual home. My safety zone doesn't include: truely stepping out on faith to take on new projects, rearranging my life-style to try a new healthier way to feed my family, or making strangers needs more important than my own. The problem is that my dreams inside my heart long to travel, meet the needs of others, and help people I don't know. How can I do any of those things "stuck" to my "shell"?

I love the safety of my inner circle of friends and family but won't they still be that when I step out and take on new adventures? Won't God provide me temporary shelter from the storms of life even outside of my comfort zone? What am I missing by waiting for life to come to me??

Warning Signs

2009-06-26T17:39:00.002-04:00

We all (hopefully) learned that the caution signs are all shaped the same for easy recognition. So, the words or pictures on the signs then give us more information about what to be cautious of. They serve an important purpose and can alert drivers to serious dangers and in some cases road closures or bridge construction.

Although, as drivers we usually see these signs and groan about the possible slower traffic or detours ahead. What would we do without any warning at all?

I am a planner, and organizer so I appreciate warnings. However, I am typically irritated at how close the signs are to the actual danger. My FAVORITE example are the crazy "Watch for Rocks" or "Falling Rocks" signs that are literally too late to prepare for any pending dangers! You are driving around mountains, cliffs and hills which take you to the sign and passing through the danger at the same time. You can relate to the other signs like "Dip" or "Bump" that are meant to warn us and seem to never be placed far enough away to slow the car to a safer speed. WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?? So, I like the signs that tell me "...500 feet" or give me some idea of danger well enough in advance. That's just me.

My personality of organizing doesn't always fit into the situations I find myself in during this road of life. There are a ton of situations that give you no warning at all (car accidents) and the times when you see a warning sign but not early enough to keep out of danger (chicken pox). My desire for having everything planned out with a list, supplies and emotionally ready just doesn't always happen. So, what do I do when there is no real warning in life? I hold on to the only thing that makes sense to me...the ultimate warning sign for all of life: John 16:33 (Contemporary English Version) "I have told you this, so that you might have peace in your hearts because of me. While you are in the world, you will have to suffer {trouble, tribulations}. But cheer up! I have defeated the world." *{other translations use these words}

Maybe the warning signs on the road are so close to the hazard in order that we may not lose focus on watching for danger?

I know that John 16:33 was written a long time before I arrived so maybe this warning sign just wasn't placed close enough to the pending hazards! None the less, Jesus wanted us to know that it was reality to suffer and yet we should find joy in the peace of knowing He defeated the world.

...Cheer Up, Jesus defeated the world. WOW...cheer up...a rock may hit your car...a deer may run out in front of your vehicle...a bridge closure will re-route your trip by 50 miles...this road is covered in ice...this bridge is too low for your RV...

How about:...Cheer up...life is hard...someone will disappoint you...your parents will die...people will make fun of you...you will out-live your pets...a child might throw up on you...you may fail at your career choice...

I must believe that watching for danger doesn't mean leaving my car behind and never going on any more drives. I must believe that watching for a hazard only means to keep my eyes open and focus on the path ahead. (Psalm 119:105 "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.") Maybe if I let the word light the way, new signs will become visible?

If we will all face hazards, troubles and we will all suffer in some way then how can a sign even help? It doesn't always help, but the one who created us wanted us to know that He loved us enough to take the time to let us know what we would face...with Him right beside us. Although there are plenty of dangers that we never have to walk through because He puts people or things in our paths that delay or reroute our lives in such a way to bypass true disasters EVERYDAY.

I can't plan for when or where all the time, but I can steady my heart to trust that somehow I will make it through. Galations 6:9 "So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up."

2009-06-24T17:00:00.002-04:00

I have been pressing on. Philippians 3:13-14 (above in photo) is harder to do than to say!! Forgetting what is behind can be a lofty task. Armed with the knowledge that whatever I fix my eyes on will ultimately be the direction I move in then I know that I MUST strain to what is in front of me.

Be encouraged that focusing on a purpose for your life can help keep you focused on the eternal things and the relationships that God has given us.

The Daddy!!

2009-06-21T19:00:00.004-04:00

Do you know a Daddy? Every one had a biological place in which a parent of the male gender was involved but not everyone has a Daddy. I find that in all the things I hear from the "experts" the conclusion of a father-less generation has resulted in the current disease of martyrdom that plagues this nation. I am no expert and I can understand their conclusions.

If you did not have a Daddy then pardon this blog entry and understand that your life was recognized as important and God watched over you and can at any point fill your heart with the love of a Father.

My father was a Daddy imperfect and foolish in so many ways but an example of integrity, incredible work ethics, the caring father, and a man who knew what he stood for. My favorite part about my Daddy was the way he got on my level at any age and played house, dolls, or watched my pretend dance recitals. He was gone for sometimes months at a time but my memories of the QUALITY of time with him remains the brighter image. He had learned the art of giving a small child 3 minutes can equate to hours of quality. When he was busy or working he had learned to let me be within eye shot of what he was doing and allow me to ask him one or two questions while I pretended to help. This created an atmosphere for me to feel connected yet it allowed him the ability to work without pampering me. I was so content to be in his presence because I knew WHEN I needed an answer (even if it was made-up or incomplete) he stopped for three seconds to answer.

My husband has many wonderful qualities that I could have only dreamed of in a Daddy. There are so many times when I can recognize in my sons or daughters eyes the look of awe at their dad. I am amazed that God would let me parent and walk along side this man in this life. I truely am blessed. My children are more so blessed in having such a praying father who really does play with them, connect with them and spend so much time in conversation with each of them.

I choose this picture because I think it MOST signifies the reality of what a Daddy is. A real Daddy carries you, holds your hands and keeps you out of trouble and all the while h as convinced you that it's all fun!!!

May God grant you the ability to pray for men in and around you that influence you as father figures and influence your children or mine, as the children really are the direction of tomorrow.

Looking Back

2009-06-19T23:52:00.003-04:00

Have you ever been hiking and stopped to look back to evaluate how far you have really gone? This picture was taken while Asa and I were doing just that. The reflections I had today were similar to the experience of looking back while your heart is still beating and reflecting on the journey just taken. Hiking is one thing I love to do and don't get to do very often. My favorite hikes will always include a scenery that takes your breath away while you are hiking. Which in turn really helps to keep you focused on having fun and enjoying yourself.

Looking back prematurely can often bring anxiety if you feel discouraged about the physical demand on the hike ahead. However, stopping over halfway to your destination point has been my favorite time to enjoy the scenery. Even in wooded downhill climbs or in a praire you can enjoy the overall view from where you have been.

In life I can find myself discouraged when I try to find "closure" on issues that are not that far removed from my current situation. However, if I continue to journey through life and wait for the peace to stop and reflect I typically find that the "closure" has already occured. Developing a sense of accomplishment comes when I realize that I have really stepped out and moved a great distance from the pain, or heartbreak, or moment that seemed difficult. This encourages me that life can have moments of reflection where great peace can be obtained by looking back over events or circumstances. I personally think that we are too quick to try to understand our situations or analize each moment as it passes. I feel like when we allow ourselves distance and try to move forward we can find a moment in the future to reflect and learn so much more in retrospect.

Waiting Room Experience

2009-06-18T23:14:00.002-04:00

Have you ever been in a waiting room for a doctor that was not going to be giving anyone good news? You undoubtedly know someone who has dealt with, lived through, struggles or couldn't make it through a life experience without hospitals or doctors visits. Each of us is never far removed from those experiences, unfortunately.

I have been in a few waiting rooms during my life where everyone was in the same "boat" if you will allow me the liberty to say so. We may not have all been the pateint, and we may not all have needed the same type of treatment. However, we were all there with the reality that "bad things were afloat" and needed to be taken care of somehow, someway.

During a few life experiences with relatives in the Terminal Ward of the hospital the nurses all seemed to have that look on their face. The "so sorry for you" look and such looks that left you feeling exposed and vulnerable. Every other family seemed to be looking for someone to share the horrible experience with in order to evade the loneliness. Do you find loneliness in those silent waiting rooms of life? Or do you reach out to the closest stranger to find comfort in a similar story?

When we look at doctor visits in questionable times we often look around and wonder what everyone else is there for. (At least I do) I have been to an appointment with a friend and found myself feeling the urge to say...I am not here for me...but thankfully I kept my mouth shut!

The strangest part about these experiences are the way that each person deals with the mellow drama that is the waiting room. In the hours of waiting in any situation, I would recite to myself the Psalm 23...

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Those waiting rooms were full of fear, doubt, tormenting thoughts of "what now, why me, what do I do, what next, how will I..." Yet, I was able to focus on those two verses in Psalms that declared the goodness of the Lord would restore my soul and He would guide me. I didn't care where He led but I just knew that it would be for His Name's sake, and I would find rest.
I really pray that if you find yourself in a such a place like those scary waiting rooms that you will have enough strength to show peace and calm. I can assure you that those who are looking for it will engage you and I pray that you are able to share the goodness that you find comfort in.

May the Lord shine His face upon you!!

Boneman's Daughter

2009-06-18T22:26:00.002-04:00

A book by the rightfully acclaimed author Ted Dekker. Although, I have yet to find the courage to read this newest thriller novel, I am drawn to the subject and the compassionate way Dekker pulls readers into his twisted realities. The problem with this book is that it was based on the life experience he had as his daughter was sucked into hell itself and abused by a crazed young man who had seduced her for years and Ted's family was forced to live out a horrible period in time when nothing on Earth could save his daughter from this man's grasp.
Dekker drew closer to the Father God as he began to understand just how desperate any Father becomes to have his child back...except the cruel reality it that the "adult child" must release control back to the Father...

You can read Dekker's partial testimony and the reasons why he wrote the book in his official blog: http://www.teddekker.com/2009/04/13/are-you-bonemans-daughter/

As a child Dekker was raised among the headhunter tribes of Indonesia and describes his childhood as living in a culture as a stranger and gave him the opportunity to reach into his imagination to create another world he belonged to.

His novels are often lined with spiritual connections and draws the reader to examine some hard questions. To me, he is the creepiest author I have read with a peace behind it that is not like the novels of other famed authors...I find that the peace of the truth is so close you can touch it, but far enough away that you are longing for the characters to discover it.

Definitely I book I am aiming to read soon. My true point...Dekker's books are lined with truth because that is so much a part of him. My work, my play, my communication should be filled with the truth just the same.

No matter what your talent, job, career path, or recreational activity - I pray that you find a way to add Jesus' Love and the exclamation point to your life too!

My Moment

2009-06-18T22:21:00.002-04:00

I must admit I had to take a moment and walk away from blogging for a few weeks. It has been good to not put into words on cyberspace the thoughts that have come and gone. It was better for the world, or at least my friends to not be exposed to such random moods.

As for now, I am in much better shape and looking happily ahead to the next hill to conquer and mountain to climb!

I do have something that I must say...life can always get more complicated...can always get worse....and just when you think you have seen it all...someone you know or love will experience worse...we are never very far away from those 'tragedies that bind or break us'!

That is all for now.

Good night, and good growing...

Thorns and Berries

2009-05-28T21:14:00.003-04:00

Why is it that in order to pick great tasting berries you generally have to fight back the thorns?

To taste the sweetness of life we almost always have to suffer small injuries on the way...

today's thorns are sharp!

I pray that I can continue to look beyond my circumstances and remember that God leads my way, so anywhere I find myself is the place God has allowed me to be.

I heard Dr. Evans today say that we must accept the character building moments of the valley as God ordained. I will try to keep that in mind...

Perspective?

2009-05-28T06:00:00.001-04:00

Some people would like to believe that they always have the right answers.

Some people think the right answer only lies with the one making the decision.

Some people think not about what is right or wrong but focus on what they want as a conclusion.

Some people really think that what others think is more valuable than the real choices at hand.

I am amazed that some people think that if a 'majority' think something is right...it must be.

My favorite is when someone simply believes whatever anyone tells them is the right choice, then they met another person who changes their mind again...and so on.

Often I tend to fall into one of these categories, not typically on purpose but I admittedly can become blinded by my perspective.

Blinded is the word I use because I am understanding more about how our paradigm really shifts our ideas of truth. The truth is that not all people on Earth will accept the God of the Trinity. The truth also is that I can not always make each decision correctly. The reality of truth can often be hindered by our past and our paradigms. The truth of a spiritual world existing can leave some people wondering how it all fits together, but given the perspective of loosing a close family member and they too begin to care not how it fits together but simply that it all must exist.

My past can shape my perspective in a good way and focus my perspective on the BIG picture of the truth within this reality of life. It can also twist the way I want or choose to see others, myself and ultimately if a God who loves me created this world to be good.

I have struggled with others perspective of the past in the last few months. I say struggled because sometimes I just don't always understand how someone can see their memories twisted into something very different than what happened.

I need to clarify that I am not referring to one persons memory versus anothers, but a definite change in facts regarding the reality of the past. So, I am not referring to someone's understanding or misunderstanding of simple moments in time but rather a gross misrepresentation of a larger scale and for a long period of time.

I guess what I struggle with is that point in someone's life where they must need to be a victim or they have a current event in their life that must ONLY logically be linked to some past trauma. Then in order to align with what "everyone" says MUST have happened they create a feeling of being mistreated as a child or twist their memories to fit in to that category. The REALITY of our perspective is that when we think the same thing over and over, dwell on it and talk about it with sympathetic peers then we will believe that our first (and true) memories where the ones we wanted to be BUT the NEW (and false) memories are the truth we "buried".

Why can't people just decide to make choices BECAUSE that is the choice they want to make...why does it have to be someone else's problem or burden?

It would be easy if everyone just had the same paradigm! Although, I think I would like it more if everyone just took responsibility for their own choices and accept it when we think others choices are wrong.

Shoes

2009-05-27T16:25:00.002-04:00

Funny new thing about Noah is really that he LOVES to put on shoes. He figured out how to put on flip-flops last week (Madisen's of course) and loves it when people leave their shoes out!

Of course, funniest of all is how he will put his little feet in Daddy's big dress shoes (backwards) and try to make them go where he is going....which has not worked for him just yet. I try to show him that his feet are in wrong, but he tells me No!

Just thought I would share a moment that has been quite entertaining the last few days!

Psalm 23 Amplified Bible

2009-05-06T17:20:00.003-04:00

A Psalm of David.

1 THE LORD is my Shepherd [to feed, guide, and shield me], I shall not lack.
2 He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures;

He leads me beside the still and restful waters.
3 He refreshes and restores my life (my self);

He leads me in the paths of righteousness [uprightness and right standing with Him--not for my earning it, but] for His name's sake.
4 Yes, though I walk through the [deep, sunless] valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear or dread no evil, for You are with me;

Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil; my [brimming] cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness, mercy, and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life, and through the length of my days the house of the Lord [and His presence] shall be my dwelling place.

Real Headlines, Real Choices

2009-05-05T15:20:00.003-04:00

Susan, 37, and Andrew Miller, lost wife's battle with cancer, after celebrating their son’s birth six weeks ago. “This lady was the real deal,” Mr. Bowman said. “When she learned of her [pregnancy and cancer diagnosis], she knew she would not sacrifice her son’s life. She had a strong ethic for life.”
Survivors other than her husband and son include three daughters, Hannah Joy Miller, Madeline Helen Miller and Katelyn Ashley Miller, all of Cumming; her mother, Barbara Louise Simpson of Strongsville, Ohio; two sisters, Lisa Sherrard of Strongsville, Ohio, and Sandra Arrow of Dacula; and a brother, William Simpson of Keller, Texas. (Source: ajc.com )

I-275 Baby Death: Mom's ex-boyfriend caught after beating then throwing her baby out of car window in Tampa, killing the 4-month-old child. McTear was located in Tampa just after 9 a.m. on Arlington Drive. McTear is listed as a fugitive on the Florida Dept. of Corrections Web site. (Source: BayNews9.com )

Roger Penske, owner of the second-largest U.S. auto retail chain by revenue, has emerged as a potential buyer for General Motors Corp.'s Saturn brand, people familiar with the situation said. The auto maker, which has said it will abandon Pontiac, is working to sell Saturn, along with its Hummer and Saab brands, while surviving on federal loans.
It has until June 1 to convince the Obama administration it can survive without seeking bankruptcy protection under a Chapter 11 filing. (Source: FoxNews.com)

From a world view, local view or simply the people we know around us....Life is always throwing the hard truth of crime, poverty, dispair and death our way.
I realized the last two days why I don't watch too much news or television. If we have a choice to breath life or death, then the TV doesn't seem to be the place to find LIFE. The reality of life doesn't allow us to live in a bubble or to not be affected by the things around us.

The first article I posted was from a classmate from my husbands school. That article is more than a story about a women who wanted to battle cancer with the tenacity that she built a private school with because it was someone's sister, daughter, mother, friend. Someone that made a choice to fight a battle in spite of the odds, and gave birth to a healthy son.

The second article is a tragic scene ripped from someone's nightmare to desparately fight to keep a crazy man from taking her child in the middle of the night. The entire drama will unfold soon I am sure that no matter what is discovered, this women was in a loud dispute with a crying child while people were feet from her in their homes and the life of a child was taken in a cruel and savage way.

The last article could be a glimmer of hope to so many who face uncertain futures but in reality no matter how it unravels people will have lost their security. In the worlds economic game, mergers or purchases leave the employees that are left in a sense of limbo. We will have to wait and see if Penske can convince the Obama administration that there is hope left for part of GM.

No, I don't want to sound gloomy. I WANT TO BRING HOPE... The world will always sound the alarm that the sky is falling, in different ways and there is plenty of truth too.
WE NEED TO TELL THE WOLRD the story of a SAVIOR who is more than a character in a book, who is more than a wish or a prayer but JESUS CAN TOUCH YOUR LIFE AND GIVE YOU HOPE.

Does finding Jesus really change the tragedy? Well, it may not go away and life still affects you, I can assure you that knowing the Hope of Jesus can change YOU. By finding a purpose, a strength outside of myself, I have found a reason to keep reaching for my goals and pursuing the choices that will make a positive impact of people around me.

Romans 5:1 "By faith we have been made acceptable to God. And now, because of our Lord Jesus Christ, we live at peace with God. 2Christ has also introduced us to God's undeserved kindness on which we take our stand. So we are happy, as we look forward to sharing in the glory of God. 3But that's not all! We gladly suffer, because we know that suffering helps us to endure. 4And endurance builds character, which gives us a hope 5that will never disappoint us. All of this happens because God has given us the Holy Spirit, who fills our hearts with his love. 6Christ died for us at a time when we were helpless and sinful. 7No one is really willing to die for an honest person, though someone might be willing to die for a truly good person. 8But God showed how much he loved us by having Christ die for us, even though we were sinful. "

CRAZY Dog picture (from internet)

2009-05-03T20:44:00.000-04:00

The Comforter

2009-05-02T17:45:00.003-04:00

There are joyful times in life when we feel we need nothing. There are a great many moments in the present when it seems all the world is right.

I remember those times of peace and harmony when things seem difficult or hard to move through.

The definition of comfort from Webster's is: to give strength and hope to, or to ease the grief of trouble of.

Isn't it just like God to promise to "ease the grief" but not promise to remove it! I feel that way sometimes. I have had my moments that I think a little like that guy named Job who for a moment declares that He is the God who 'gives and takes away'. In my pain I have often asked Jesus to show me proof of His truth, and I know that in my honest doubts Jesus is not disappointed because he was not disappointed with Thomas who saw yet still doubted. Lately, I am seeing that waiting on the Lord does not provide an instant gratification but rather can be somewhat uncomfortable as I imagine it was for the hundreds who waited in fasting in the upper room for the anticipated comforter Jesus promised.

When the psalmist said He is my rock and my shelter, I don't think it was suppose to mean that He was hard and covered us in silence...but sometimes that seems all I find.

But that is really just the illusion of silence because the Bible promises that God not only will He never really leave us - He will sing over us - He knows all our tears - He has plans to prosper us and He also promised that He hears us when we call upon Him. So, why doesn't it always feel that way? Well, all the reasons are different for each persons circumstances, but I think that a few things remain to be the truth for all of us.

First: We are simply fragile! By God's Design, we are meant to be on the edge of of breaking in order that others may see Christ's Hope.

2 Corinthians 4:6 For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,”
has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that
is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.
7 We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.
8 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We
are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9 We are hunted down, but never
abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 10 Through
suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life
of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.

Second: We loose sight of the Grace that saved us and we are looking for God in the wrong place, thus hearing NOTHING.

Galations 5:3 I’ll say it again. If you are trying to find favor with
God by being circumcised, you must obey every regulation in the whole law of
Moses. 4 For if you are trying to make yourselves right with God by keeping the
law, you have been cut off from Christ! You have fallen away from God’s
grace.

Although, so many preachers or pastors may send a message that we are all saved and thus secured in our destiny, that is not the debate here. This message clearly states that we need Grace to find the favor to WALK BY FAITH. Grace is the necessary piece to the puzzle in walking in the Spirit. We can simply be looking for God to answer us in our works, in our ability to do good things and miss where God is answering us.

Galations 5:16 So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you
won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. 17 The sinful nature wants to do
evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives
us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two
forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your
good intentions. 18 But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under
obligation to the law of Moses.

There probably are more that we all could have in common but I believe that the last thing we all tend to do is forget to develop our character or learn the lessons while things are good. When things are going well we abandon the Word study or we abandon our prayer walks and in some cases we just forget to work out our faith muscles.

We become the enthusiatic person who has no soil of character when the hard times hit.

Matthew 13:18-19"Study this story of the farmer planting seed. When anyone hears news of the kingdom and doesn't take it in, it just remains on the surface, and so the Evil One comes along and plucks it right out of that person's heart. This
is the seed the farmer scatters on the road.
20-21"The seed cast in the gravel—this is the person who hears and instantly responds with enthusiasm. But there is no soil of character, and so when the emotions wear off and some difficulty arrives, there is nothing to show for it.

When faced with these three "starter points" in evaluating our relationship with God we may not fall into one of these categories. You should always ask the Holy Spirit to direct you in looking into your own heart and really repenting of the sins we so easily fall back into. It is very likely that withing our "silence" is a Holy Spirit waiting for us to become truely repentant in order that He may reveal His love for us and that Grace is more than enough to erase our sins with ease.

The Promise after the repentance:

Revelations 3:19"The people I love, I call to account—prod and correct and
guide so that they'll live at their best. Up on your feet, then! About face! Run
after God!
20-21"Look at me. I stand at the door. I knock. If you hear me call and open the door, I'll come right in and sit down to supper with you. Conquerors will sit alongside me at the head table, just as I, having conquered, took the place of honor at the side of my Father. That's my gift to the conquerors!

Let my ears hear...Let my heart be repentant and earnestly seek JUST you God...Then I will know I am not alone in my troubles, but that BECAUSE you love me you call me to walk tall and you keep my feet straight on the path of righteousness. Thank you Lord God my strength and my shield, my ever-present Help in time of troubles...YOU do in fact give us hope and something to hold on to!

Can I Imagine?

2009-04-28T17:12:00.004-04:00

The question is simply related to the imagination of a life lived in Victory. A life lived through the promise that Jesus came to fulfill the Old Testament law and to remove the condemnation of a sinfull life.

Kirk Franklin's song delivers hard hitting facts of what we think but are afraid to say. But if you trust in the God of Jacob, King David and the power of Jesus' Love...you need to IMAGINE yourself as God sees you...living in Victory.

Album: Hero Year: 2005 Title: Imagine Me lyrics

Imagine me, loving what I see
when the Mirror looks at me 'cause
I imagine me
In a place of no insecurities

And I'm finally happy cause I imagine me
Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me
'Cause they never did deserve me
Can you imagine me
Saying no to thoughts that try to control me

Remembering all you told me Lord
can You imagine me
Over what my mamma said
And healed from what my daddy did
And I wanna live and not read that page again

Chorus:
Imagine me, being free
Trusting you totally
Finally I can…imagine me

I admit it was hard to see
You being in love with someone like me
But finally I can…imagine me
Being strong and not letting people break me down
You won't get that joy this time around

Can you imagine me
In a world where nobody has to live afraid
Because of your love fears gone away
Lord, can You imagine me

Bridge:
Letting go of my past
And glad I have another chance
And my heart will dance
'Cause I don't have to read that page again

Vamp:
Gone, gone, it's gone, all gone
(this song is dedicated to people like me, those that struggle with insecurities, acceptance, and even self-esteem, you never felt good enough, or pretty enough, imagine God whispering in your ear, letting you know that every thing that has happened is now... , every sin, mistake, failure, depression, gone by Faith, low self-esteem, Halelujah, all my scars, all my pain, in my past, it's yesterday, it's all gone, gone, what your mother did, what your father did, it's gone....)

VIDEO: *Warning - A deeply REAL video of problems people are facing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jL6vw5xI0Bg

The Florida Aquarium

2009-04-27T21:06:00.004-04:00

FUNNY Fish!

Watching the eels....

Everyone got in the shells and played around...

The little kids loved the up close alligator experience!

Holding Patterns

2009-04-25T14:25:00.002-04:00

Have you ever flown and knew that you had plenty of time during a layover in another airport to get on a connecting flight to another city? Yet, you begin your journey and leave the gateway or terminal to find that a heavy rain begins while on the runway. Your plane turns and comes to a halt...you will be waiting for the storm to pass and no flights can clear for take off. Well, no problem right? You have a two hour layover! Until you find yourself still on this first plane on the runway four hours later. Now, you know that connecting to your other flight is impossible and by the time you get to the aiport you will not have any flights leaving out that night. You may be a 'glass half full' person and not mind this sense you know eventually you will get to your destination. But what if this delay means missing the meeting at your final destination and thus making this entire journey a wasted two days? Wouldn't it be nice to just bail out of the flight right here in your home town and just go home? But you can not get off the plane once it is boarded!

That, my friends is a holding pattern on the runway!

During this last season of my life I have been in a type of holding pattern waiting for the Lord of all things to open some gates, doors or windows to allow my family to move forward. Although no doors have exactly opened yet my husband and I wait...!
I know that even in this valley or platue of sorts in life, I feel like I am reaching an end to the wait. The problem is that I have NO idea what God has in store on the mountain top. In reality I don't think any of us really do, but some times we find comfort in thinking we know what to expect.

I seriously I have NO earthly idea what will happen in the next month or year or beyond. I anticipate with "heartburn" and a scary sense that He loves me and has the final say over my life. Why is that scary? Because I don't know what I need the most to Glory God the most, to the most people....???? This doesn't always feel good or look good!

I hope that without causing you anxiety, I can assure you that the ONE thing I know is that WHILE I WAIT...He is faithful to give me strength...All the strength I need to get through whatever is next. The God I count on is always true, always faithful and always there.

Wait, what's that?

2009-04-25T11:36:00.004-04:00

Ever have more fun messing with someone else's toys than your own?

He was excited about playing on his "inside" Tonka truck in the yard... Until he saw Madisen get out her Big Wheel.

The rest is easily explained in the pictures!!

I can get like this sometimes too! I will be enjoying a freshly cleaned or washed van and just loving life. Then out of now where a "just rolled out of the factory" new upgraded van with all the bells and whistles will drive by.

Lord, help me be at peace with the wonderful gifts you have given me, that fit my needs and work just fine! Amen.

Miss America Water Cooler

2009-04-24T11:03:00.002-04:00

Ok, by now everyone has heard or talked about the Carrie Prejan topic around the water cooler. If you have no idea what I am talking about...well, your head was in the sand but I understand! She was in the lead and winning the Miss America pageant until Perez Hilton (not the name his mother gave him) celebrity judge asked a controversial guestion.

Here's my soap box! I FIND IT TO BE THE PERFECT SCENE to show AMERICA what this nation HAS REALLY BECOME.
Not, a about a controversal topic!!!
Not even about same-sex marriage rights!!!

THIS IS SIMPLY ABOUT THE REALITY OF HOW SOME "RIGHTS" HAVE NOW OVERTURNED OUR FREEDOM OF SPEECH. Someones rights to behave a certain way have literally overturned the right to disagree with them...which USED to be called FREE SPEECH, a RIGHT which ALL AMERICANS at one time had!

*Warning* I have felt this strongly about this Freedom of Speech since I was "asked" to cease meeting with a Bible Study group (before school) while an Athiest group was allow to form a school sanctioned CLUB on campus!** The school eventually saw the law for what it is, in allowing a Faith-Based "Athiest" group, they were forced to allow a Youth for Christ group as well. Only by fierce determination of some willing teens.**

Don't believe me? It true! Look up the courts rulings regarding new "hate speech" language or try to do some real research on what new "hate laws" have been developed IN THE DARK over the last 5 year. Heck, go back further and you'll find even that the last decade has a flurry of activity of new laws seemingly to "protect" us from public forums of hate gatherings. The problem with the wording on some of these laws is that it only describes the "hate" talks by it being seen as offensive by any group or set of people.

The logic may be there, but the intent of current lobbiest is to group Pastors, people like Carrie Prejan and normal Americans who have a public forum, who speak out! Unfotunately, the laws are so generic that it HAS ALREADY BEEN APPLIED to Pastors who READ ROMANS 1 in their churches!!! (Rights of the church and believers are under attack in THE NEW AMERICA!)

I pray you look into it yourself. I pray that this nations people turn from their laziness and become involved in the local governments activities and as the largest election approaches soon to make a difference that people will REALLY GET INFORMED about the hidden agendas of the politicans running for re-election (find out which group gives them money and you'll find out the agendas they will "sneak" into bills)!

At Home Work

2009-04-21T12:45:00.002-04:00

It's interesting that so many people, like myself, make a small (or in some cases) or large amount of money "working from home". For myself, that means a few hours or more on the laptop while in the Family Room with my kids playing all around me. There are other days when I lock my husband down there and use the home office for some phone calls or editting a website. Sounds like such a "wonderful" opportunity for some people while most of them have no idea how difficult it is to make happen. In my life the work I do is based on need so set hours are not something I could control. However, for those "at home working" people who have an endless amount of work to keep them busy they experience something different. No one can understand how much easier it really is to know you will go to "work" from 7 to 3 or 8 to 5 or even if you work a part-time schedule. Working from home requires a certain discipline to flexability while at other times having the discipline to simply be at home for so much of your time.

Did I mention the children? Yeah, I would love to say it is a pure joy a blessing to know I can spend time with my kids while going to and from the "work" computer getting task by task done. Well, I would love to say that! I do love being a stay-at-home mom! You also must remember that 2-4 year olds tend to think differently about computers than adults do.

When I first started working from home, my littlest one really didn't care about the "extra" computer but my pre-schooler constantly wanted to know when it was his turn on the new shinny laptop! Eventually, my littlest one waddled into being a typical two year old and wanted her share of play-time on mommies keyboard. (Of course, the answer was always NO but on occasion I let them play on the home computer while in MY lap!)

Let's just say that my mini-hackers would try ANYTHING to find my laptop in the morning before I got up. Did you know that passwords don't protect the Hardware?

Once I even realized that my desk where I kept my laptop stored had been the recent home of a peanut butter and jelly accident subsequently cleaned by a toddler to not be as noticeable. The next morning, my poor laptop sat full of ants....yes, I said ants!

Take the funny with the bad and try to move forward. I do know it's all a blessing and I try desparately to think "happy thoughts" about how I will someday cherish these memories.

SOME DAY....

In Rememberance....

2009-04-20T22:47:00.002-04:00

I love to be upbeat and funny in my thoughts or ramblings. I wish that on days like today that was the tone.

It is strange how different events affect us all differently and in no way equally. The moments in my life I will never forget:

The first memory of being in church and the smell of my grandmother's skin,

The confusion of the Challenger tragedy on my young mind while the world mourned,

When my first best friend moved away forever,

That first moment when I knew God was indeed with me...and somehow would not leave me,

The patriotic feeling of writing to classmates fathers during the Desert Storm Gulf War,

Subsequently cheering for them when some of them returned to our school in a rally,

The Oklahoma City bombing tears and shock,

The sorrow of really losing someone in my life that I thought I couldn't live without...then learning to live without them,

Leaving work early because I could no longer function as the tragedy unfolding in Littleton at Columbine High School,

Feeling trapped, hopeless and helpless as the moments and seconds replayed during September 11...a horror never to be forgotten,

The overwhelming reality of meeting my son in all the drama of child-birth,

A moment of realizing that God grants second chances and dreams can come back to life,

I could go on but I will stop with those thoughts. Shaping moments in our personal lives and in history are things that mold us or move us to be better people. We often bury the bad moments away in our memories to try to forget. We forget that only in the moments of realizing our futility can we learn to be better people. Understanding that we have but one life to live should inspire us and move us to live it for a purpose.

Is there meaning in the bad, good and sometimes ugly memories? I believe without remembering ALL of them in perspective we lose sight of how important we can choose to be. I do not think that we should be in constant mourning. I do understand that without respecting how quickly loves are lost we lose track of who we should be loving the most.

I pray that God grants me the courage to press on in this life with the tenacity to take life's challenges head on and pursue my purpose. I thank God that He has not spared me the feeling of great grief so that I can embrace those I love more often, kiss my children and honor my parents while they are still here.

there can be only one....

2009-04-19T18:23:00.002-04:00

There can be only one...

There can only be one baby, because even if you pretend there are more this never works out for anyone.

There can be only one oldest, true even with twins or multiples (they care too)!

There can really only be one thing that motivates you to get out of bed...if more things follow they are just along for the day.

I can assure you only one husband fits in a good marriage.

There really can only be one dominate wife...the cleaning lady must go if she does more than clean. (Ahem)

Really only one bite at a time works, and well, if you need to compete in a food competition - reconsider!

There can only be one God, for all of them are jealous gods and eventually catch up to you....he he he!

When worshiping the only true God, you should consider respecting His One and Only Son....

Lord help my unbelief

2009-04-16T19:59:00.003-04:00

Mark 9:17-24 (NIV)

17A man in the crowd answered, "Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. 18Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not."
19"O unbelieving generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me."
20So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.
21Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?"
"From childhood," he answered. 22"It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."
23" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."
24Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

I have seen some crazy things in my life that brought forth great Faith to be born in me. As a small child my church memories are few and far between of the little Southern Baptist church we would attend or visit with my grandparents. Later in adolescence growing up in what was an Assembly Of God Organizational church I learned the heart of God through some amazing women and men.

Yes, of course both of those settings came with a sense of religious man-made ideas that somehow always seem to sneak into churches. However, I was also growing up at a point in the "body of Christ" when a "movement" was sweeping through Florida. This movement of revival and healings were very real and God poured out His Spirit in some amazing ways during my pre-teen and teenage years in and around a lot of church type gatherings all around me. I was getting a ring side seat to thousands of people who were hungry for something real and all prayed in one accord to find it. God did in fact show up.

Since this format is after all a blog I will give you a brief understanding of my ages. I asked Jesus to save me from myself and my fears when I was 8 1/2 years old. A few months later I experienced what I know is God himself in the form of the Holy Spirit comfort me in a tangible way. The year I was 9 I attended several tent meetings and two all girl retreats held within our organization. I feel amazed even today at the memories so vivid of standing there next to a little girl, her pastor and her mother as the little girl who never walked a day in her life stood on her own. God right there in that tent retreat grew muscles where there were none. I have more than a handfull of those stories each amazing and each with a realness that no one can convince me of any other facts.

I EXPERIENCED the miracles.
I BELIEVED that GOD could move mountains.
I ANTICIPATED that God would show up when I prayed.
I SAW the lasting effects of the healings.
I EXPECTED God to answer every prayer.

CHILD LIKE FAITH was eventually tested and eventually fell short of all I had once trusted. My trust in His mighty work didn't waiver in the sense that I have never doubted what I experienced or saw. I have although doubted the ability for that same power to follow me in my everyday life and be real in every prayer. No, God does not punish me because I admit my doubts believe it or not. I know now that in a way admitting my doubts or fears gives way to victory.

I am growing a deeper understanding these last 8 years of my life that unbelief hits everyone in some way at some point. The question is what do I do with it? How do I build my Faith and have doubts at the same time?

You see, I am learning that unbelief is rooted in some forms of fear. Fear can be from a lack of understanding. Unbelief can come from what seems to be many avenues but eventually they all have lead from some form of fear. Do you know what happened to the disciples when Jesus was being crucified and later that day died? The Bible tells us that they were even filled with unbelief when the women came running with the news that Jesus had risen!!!

Read the end of the story in Mark 9 about the father's belief and see where the disciples unbelief began.

25When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the evil[a] spirit. "You deaf and mute spirit," he said, "I command you, come out of him and never enter him again."
26The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, "He's dead." 27But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up.
28After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately, "Why couldn't we drive it out?"
29He replied, "This kind can come out only by prayer.[b]"
30They left that place and passed through Galilee. Jesus did not want anyone to know where they were, 31because he was teaching his disciples. He said to them, "The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of men. They will kill him, and after three days he will rise." 32But they did not understand what he meant and were afraid to ask him about it.

Did you see it too? Their unbelief literally began with a fear to ask for understanding. The road always seems to start with fear....

Lord, help me deal with my fears both big and small; fears about humbling myself and fears about losing my own life and even the fears of lack; teach me that fear only has a place when covered by silence and that when confronting my fears I find truth, peace and life. Let me be humble as the father who would do anything to save his son, even willing in a group of chosen men to declare my belief and yet my unbelief. Be with me Father God and gather more of your children to cry out with me for your power in our lives. May the revival throughout this land be given fuel with our hearts declaring our need for your healing power. Amen

Egg Fall Out!

2009-04-15T16:18:00.002-04:00

We try to take things lightly and simply emphasize the Truth of the Gospel on Holy Holidays such as Easter and Christmas. Well, if it wasn't already hard enough to try to explain to young children how come we all celebrate eggs on Christ's Resurrection Day...my life got harder this year.

The Charlie Brown Easter Movie was on a few times the week before Easter this year. Of course, in honor of how much I remember getting to watch Charlie Brown movies we settled in for some laughs. My 7 year old thoughtfully enjoyed the Spring Break fun. My 4 year old on the other hand has never really grasped the whole bunny and eggs thing. So, upon watching the Charlie Brown Easter Beagle movie not once but twice she was even more concerned.

On Saturday night, we once again talked about the sacrifice Jesus made for us. My sweet little girl pondered the talk and prayed thanksgiving to the Lord. Sweetly and tenderly she also reminded me that tomorrow (Easter) the Easter Beagle would bring her a basket full of eggs....

Yes, folks, the Easter eggs now come from Snoopy!

Hope eveyone had a beautiful day of reflection and family this Easter.

Your where??? Oh no....

2009-04-10T19:01:00.002-04:00

Often times while my husband travels he will call while he is driving to check in on me. It is sweet and endearing. He typically really wants to know how things are going for my day, whatever that may look like. Some times, however, he calls because he needs me. Or should I say my technical or administrative skills. In those times I can appreciate being needed and I am always willing to try to help him.

Our conversations can vary, but typically he is almost out of cell phone range and we have a difficult time communicating. So I can't TELL you how many times I have to ask, "Your where?" Mostly, because in order to help some one find something or even to help them with traffic jams, you first must know where they are!! (Laughter can sometimes be appropriate, but it must be done while the caller is on mute!) With the current high speed technology even GPS's have not always been able to help my "on the road" husband. Although I also ask, "Your Where?" when the voice I hear seems to be saying something unbelievable!

Yesterday was one of those days but for a slightly different reason. You see as often (and I would say pretty darn often) as he travels my husband has only once missed a flight. So yesterday stuck in extreme construction traffice in Alabama, he was calling with several missions to accomplish at once. First, when is this construction going to end and how many miles will this take to get to point B? Secondly, among the delays he was facing he needed to know if the flight was going to be on time. And definitely not the least of the problems was what to do in the event he missed this flight?

Well, the entire story was not an easy one to live out. The bottom line was in order to get my husband home in the most cost effective way was to make him wait 3 more hours at the airport and fly to Orlando while I would drive to get him. If anyone has traveled with a small toddler and a 4 yr old they know that this would require some strategy or packing. Neither of which I had time for since, even though he would be waiting 3 more hours on a plane, I would have to leave right then to head to the airport nearby to get our van out of short term parking. UGH! For me and my children being in the car from 6:15 until nearly midnight was exhausting!! Picking up another adult, driving to get the van, and driving to get daddy was so confusing to a 4 yr old.

Sometimes in life knowing where you are isn't the problem but understanding all the steps to get to the final destination is the challenge!!! It isn't always clear to me either, I thought while driving to get my poor husband who had at that point been up since 5 AM. I understood only a portion of his frustration and yet I was the one driving with noise up to my eye balls!! My one year old has started humming to the music as loud as he can. (This was better than the screaming option when I turned off the radio!) Meanwhile the four year old was creating her own harmony to the music by creating her own lyrics with details of today's unfolding drama. My head was beginning to pound but I had to focus on the END RESULT...safely having Asa home without spending money outside of our budget.

Why do certain obstacles stand in our way?

Why can't my journey just be from point A to Z...who needs all 26 letters anyway?

Can there really be a purpose for EVERY THING? Really??? Even costly DETOURS????

These questions and more rushed through me on that drive. As the little ones eased into a motion induced sleep I soaked up the quiet of the van. This day was not easy even before my sweet husband needed my help. Surely some character needed to be built up in me to endure such a drive without the proper toddler necessity. I realized as the toddlers drifting into sleep that I had not even fed them dinner and now due to my own traffic problems there was no time. Orlando is not a forgiving city when it comes to traffic. Pulling off the interstate could be deadly when you are trying to get somewhere on time!!

O.K. I calm myself by thinking that at least we all had a late (and full) lunch which is probably going to hold them through the night. I can make it to the airport in time and them maybe grab something to eat as well. I HAD TO STOP AND FOCUS SO MANY TIMES ON THE CONCLUSION OF THIS NIGHT AND NOT THE MOMENT TO MOMENT UNFOLDING OF PROBLEMS.

As I tried to relax in bed after the entire ordeal was through I knew that I may never know why my day went this way. I may never get the answers to the tough questions about my trials. Will I continue to trust in the God I claim? Or will I doubt once more that His plans are for a favorable outcome? I can only cling to the hope that somehow along this journey maybe because of my obedience to Him someone else will find a DETOUR on their journey which leads them to Him.

Iron vs. Iron Round 1

2009-04-07T22:33:00.004-04:00

I really enjoy meeting with friends. You know I was the type of person growing up that always had friends but so many were seasonal due to my families many abrupt moves to other cities. When I landed in High School I had a few years under my belt in the same location and thought I had good ground-work for some life-long friendships. Some of those friendships lasted through a few years, and some of them lasted longer. The reality of those relationships is that only one of them which started in 8th grade has been able to sustain the constant absense of communication of leading different lives. This friendship is not currently a "BFF" one in the sense that we have talked daily or weekly since 8th grade yet is just as familiar, genuine and warm. There was a period in time when (mutually) we both became faceless to the outside world and lost touch. They were times when God gave me someone to lean on, but I always looked for her. I know I am blessed to still see her and chat often.

Well beyond the high school years it all seems so interesting how God places us in situations to prepare us for where He is leading. There was a place in time when life was like a stage and the behind the scenes chaos was growing weary. A very wise women said that some times when God has called us to pick up our cross and live for Him we forget that the journey may be with only Him by our side to lean on. I was not as conforted as you may think since I am a person who loves to have someone to hang out with who knows the "real" me and who loves me anyway. (I am also quite a talker but I love to listen to others hearts as well.)

Years later as I fast-forward in my mind to today I am amazed at how many people have been significant in my life as a sharpening tool as the word declares, "IRON SHARPENS IRON." Proverbs 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." I am sincere when I say that those relationships were not all painful and the process was not something to shy away from. I realize looking back that in so many of those chats or talks or sometimes even healthy debates with any of my friends; I found a clearer understanding of my own hearts desires, dreams and believes. I allowed some friends to point me in the direction of the Truth of the Cross and Resurrection of Jesus Christ which saved me from my debt. Some of those friends throughout the years still are not believers, but it never made them less than friends or less like iron.

I found a verse in Proverbs that describes my walk through this friendship journey in a way I didn't want to always see it. It is simply truth none the less. Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." I don't always know who God will "take home" and who will just drift away or who will abandon me. I often times have had plans of my own that seemed to disappoint me.

I do know that He promised to fulfill His good work in me and sometimes that means I get great friends to enjoy while other moments I am left with just God to hear my heart. In reality, either way there is always someone causing friction in a positive or negative fashion and I can choose to become stronger (grow). Thank you God for teaching me to enjoy the moments as they come and to cherish the people you have given me for such a time as this and to learn from my relationships no matter the length of time. Amen.

Belief

2009-03-30T23:09:00.002-04:00

Hebrews 11:6 (Contemporary English Version)
"But without faith no one can please God. We must believe that God is real and that he rewards everyone who searches for him."

1 Peter 3:11 (NIV) "He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it."

John 3:12 (NIV) "I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?"

The belief that the electricity works doesn't make it work but it allows me to not think about it every time I want to flip a switch. The reality is that the physical nature of electricity (if installed properly) will do what it is created to do...close a circuit and open it again.

So I think the heavenly principles are in my life. God's way is to bless others in your time of need and you will be blessed (maybe just in your spirit, but you receive none the less). God's way is to way the risk but to bet on the talent given to you and you will most likely be rewarded; some greater than others, but rewards always come. Do harm to yourself and you will find a trap of dispair. Love money and you will eventually met a gloomy end without relationships.

Looking at the passages that God whispered, I realize that if what the world would call "you get what you give" mentality were applied to all of God's scriptures then so many would come to know the Lord. 1 Peter speaks loudly to me, this passage so easily applies to non-believers, but the problem is without Christ how does any one fulfill this call? Hebrews is like a beacon in the dark waters of life because in the midst of grieve how many of my friends have cried out "OH God????" and then tried to deny their belief that He may exist. For me, He must exist and if so, why not chance the fruit of seeking Him? He will give me comfort, peace or at least I will be rewarded in some way.

Amazingly, I am reminded that in John, Jesus reminded his disciples that they must learn to trust his amazing stories as truth or they may never understand the Hope that lay around the corner in Him.

Am I missing out on the wonders of God, because I am busy wondering if He does in fact take care of me and do all the things He promises??? Lord, lead me to the path that is quiet enough to hear from your heart and let me be bold enough to believe that all the wonders of the world are as possible as you make them!

I'm not always original

2009-03-29T22:23:00.003-04:00

Ok, so I realize that there is not anything "new under the sun" and I am learning to be satisfied with that. I had always wanted to think I was a wonderfully creative person that some times could come up with something new & original. I had a couple experiences around 7 years ago that really left me feeling like life hit me hard with the FACTS that there is nothing unique about me. Eventually pounding me into the life of understanding that God made me special, just not thousands of years ago. I would chuckle, but knew that in my heart I heard a voice say I was cherished but in my head I heard the "voice of reason." So, I am currently learning a valuable lesson about my self-worth and my ability to see things for the first time in my eyes regardless of how "heard of" it may be. I think that in the essence of who I am, even if I re-create or re-discover some pre-existing idea or work it would never be the same as the originators.

My Reflections:

I find myself hearing so many other people tell the story of looking at the loom up close and seeing nothing of sugnificance forming from over the creators shoulders. Or standing too close to the impressionist paintings without being able to discern what the overall captured picture will be. (You should know the rest.) But then, in a broader view, or in time after more of the creation is completed, we can see the plan all along fit perfectly together to form a masterpiece. People have told this story to translate the creators ability to map things out without it making sense to anyone "up close". Or that God, The Grand Weaver (by Ravi Z.) was knitting life moments big and small to come together and generate a masterpiece of character, integrity, and humility that becomes who we are or where our life leads us to greatness.

I was sitting alone in my thoughts for a few moments at the Grand Canyon a few days ago and just had to snap this shot. God has been showing me, that although sometimes we like to use this illustration above to describe the painful things in life that don't always make sense that there are also moments when we see clearly that the picture is small to us but ever so complicated that one could not possibly make it all at once.

I will share some more of my revelations from this vacation in future writings, but I understood in a moment that some things, even in close-up are beautifully intricate. Therefore I must remember that God has taken a complex set of circumstances to mold me into a uniquely wonderful creation who can create something or become someone like no one else.

Thank you oh mighty God, who calms my fears (of self-worth) with His love and delights in me with gladness (for I am His creation) and rejoices over me with joyful songs (which I hear echo in my heartbeats). (Taken from Zephaniah 3:17 NLT)

Where are you?

2009-03-25T09:33:00.003-04:00

WHERE ARE YOU...... ???
My kids love to play. I don't know any child who doesn't. My favorite game is when they discover they can disappear! If they don't see you, you can't possibly see them.

I love how we resemble a small child in our lack of ability to always see a bigger perspective. What I am referring to is our ability to think that if we have blocked vision than God can't possibly be seeing our lives let alone working on our behalf.

The good news is that my Father in heaven cares so much about me that even when I complain or grumble He will still be there for me. I see that if I care so much for my children that I would love them even when they are silly or disrespectful, then how much more must my God who gave up everything for me, still Love me and give me good gifts.

Help me today to see the goodness you have given me and brought about in my life. Let me not be so silly that I think anything can separate me from the One who sees all. Amen

Phil 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

The Journey

2009-03-24T21:07:00.002-04:00

The path of our life never seems straight and yet we can see the seams that deliver us to the moment we are in. Good or bad? The moments of my life have given me both with deep joy and the darkest of sorrows. Yet as deep and dark as those valley's may have seemed, sometimes I come out the other side realizing that they were just shallow and long. My joyful moments and times in my life of being swallowed whole by happiness can seem short and when I look back I realize they were the highest peeks that I didn't enjoy long enough to appreciate.

Our journey in life can be what we decide. I believe we should be cautious to listen to the voice of contentment that whispers wisdom to us in the mountain tops so that we not forget them in the valleys.

This picture is one of most favorite scenes I have photographed. The small looking little trail of water is surrounded by a dry creek bed until the snow melts. From shore to shore becomes a swift moving current carrying run off from the upper ground eventually to a lake off camera. I first spotted this creek bed and imagined the similarities in my own life. I am grateful for the shallow long dry seasons that don't always look so bright. I always treasure the mountain top highs a little more now in light of those days to come.

In the words of the Hebrew Traditional Morning Blessing:

Blessed art Thou, Lord our God, King of the Universe,

who establishes the footsteps of man.

Tempation Island

2009-03-23T22:45:00.000-04:00

As any mom knows the difficult part of parenting is learning the fine line between what is too much or too little to share with them at what age.

In my home, we allow our younger children to imagine any thing and they are welcome to tell us all about the fantasy. Jacob (now 7) loved to miss his passions with fantasy stories but seemed to understand a little earlier than the rest what was real and fantasy. Not true with our almost 4 yr old. Boy, those whoppers are outrageous. So, teaching her the art of expression has caused us to make a general rule...if you want to tell us about a story or fantasy, then you need to say that BEFORE you tell anyone....(This seems to be working.) I am sure that some will disagree with our choice in this one, but it isn't bad for her either. Now, she can veer from the truth and know in advance, she will not get into trouble. But when we need her to tell us what happened then she has to leave out the parts that she "wished" had happened.

We have had the difficulty of telling lies with the other older kids. To one of them especially, this has admittedly been a temptation they can't seem to resist. They will lie about anything, no matter how big or small and really think nothing of it until questioned. We simply try to help them see the sin, the Grace God will give them, but also to see the way out before they feel trapped!

I am grateful to the truth of God's love for us in the midst of this fallen world.

1 Corinthians 10:13 declares:
"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."

We just don't always want to see that in many circumstances the "way of escape" is to declare the truth, admit we are in the wrong place or heading down the wrong path and be willing to humble ourselves to find the exit.

I have learned in my own sinful nature as well as watching my young children that the temptation only gets our attention. The selfishness generally takes us toward it but pride is what determines our fall.

I pray that when I am on the wrong path, I will see the way of escape how ever it appears and that I will be willing to walk through the door. Father, thank you for the Grace you provide to us, when we look in the way of temptation, or even walk into that temptation....you are there to love us and clean us. Let us have a grateful heart and be aware of the fallen world that would try to make us stumble, or even forget that you supplied us with forgiveness. Open our eyes Lord, and hold us close. Amen.

Doing my part!

2009-03-23T09:26:00.005-04:00

"But now God has set the members, each one of them, in the body just as He pleased." 1 Corinthians 12:18

I know that most people who have attended church all of their lives at some point have heard this scripture in some context. So, it is no surprise that most people have an idea of what this verse should be saying to us. "Be who God created you to be in the body." I agree, I guess to a degree. But today I found a new perspective. TO be clear, the entire chapter (for context) is proving that each member of the Body of Christ should not obtain the same spiritual giftings. We do not simply have the same talent. This chapter describes the many (some unknown at the time) parts to the working physical body and how God designed them to work together.

What if God's context is not a pretty picture? What if we are one of those body parts no one thinks about? What if we are called to be the "work horse" with no real glory in this lifetime? Would we still be part of this body?

If you knew that you were going to spend your life as a part of the body and be something obscure like the liver would that journey be enough? I don't know why I said liver, there are more than a dozen parts of the human body that get no real credit, until they are missing that is. See, if I am called to be the hands or feet, that sounds noticable in some regard and the ministry can have some visible rewards.

I read a statement that declared some of us are called to a barefoot ministry while others are in designer shoes.

I thought the author was being funny, but then as I returned to the chapter and starting really thinking about my friends in different aspects of ministry I began to see the resemblence. (Although, I don't think designer shoes are a mandate of God in any circumstance!)

My friends who travel across the country without fame or glory and usually with only enough money from partners to get by would agree that a life lived for God can be a wonderously joyous life regardless of your "status" in society. They inspire me and I support their ministry which is changing the lives of people who are caught in the grip of cult life. These friends do not always see the end result of the freedom they bring to these people. They live by Faith that they are doing what God needs them to do and that He will supply all their needs.

On the other hand, I have friends who have spent their lives ministering to the inner city and have seen the blessing, and the fruit of their labor. Although, sometimes these friends do not see the good without seeing much devasation and heartbreak. I would consider these friends people who are blessed to say that they can live in a nicer home and within a short drive be in the mission field that God has called them to. (But eventually, they get to go home.)

I have other friends who decide that moving to the culture, being involved in the people's lives they are trying to reach is the place God wants them. These types of ministry can happen in another country, but they are here in America as well.
On reservations to minister to those trapped in poverty and shut out from the blessings this country can bring. In the Appalation Mountains communities where no one wants to see the devastation. In the depths of suburban gang culture where no one is reaching out in a Metropolitan area.

So, after my rabbit trail of thoughts, I bring you to what God showed me: You wonder why the Body of Christ doesn't seem to be working...there are too many parts to my design missing.

Yeah, that made some sense to me in the moment I felt the thoughts invade my thinking. How many more of these "unsung" parts should be pulling the weight for the few? How many of us are not living the life God designed for us? You know all of the people I mentioned, and trust me, they are just a few of the many active ministers I know doing work, they all love their life. Each family feels blessed and loves doing what God has designed their hearts to do.

I believe, God gave us the desires within our hearts and He created us to do what He had planned. So, when we fulfill that longing in our hearts, we infact become happier and healthier. We will also find that we will bear more spiritual fruit than ever before.

As for those designer shoes, I thought that verses 19-24 in The Message bible really helped me translate just who we should be giving recognition to!

1 Cor. 12: 19-24 "But I also want you to
think about how this keeps your significance from getting blown up into
self-importance. For no matter how significant you are, it is only because of what you are a part of. An enormous eye or a gigantic hand wouldn't be a body, but a monster. What we have is one body with many parts, each its proper size and in its proper place. No part is important on its own. Can you imagine Eye telling Hand, "Get lost; I don't need you"? Or, Head telling Foot, "You're fired; your job has been phased out"? As a matter of fact, in practice it works the other way—the "lower" the part, the more basic, and therefore necessary. You can live without an eye, for instance, but not without a stomach. When it's a part of your own body you are concerned with, it makes no difference whether the
part is visible or clothed, higher or lower. You give it dignity and honor just as it is, without comparisons. If anything, you have more concern for the lower parts than the higher. If you had to choose, wouldn't you prefer good digestion to full-bodied hair?"

I pray, Dear Heavenly Father, that as part of the Body of Christ, you remind me that there are seasons and that there is a place for me to be who you made me. I am so thankful for your Grace that is sufficient to cover all my past mistakes and that your plan actually knew I would be right here, today, and that you already had a plan for the door to open to the daily ministry you have called me to in this season and that your plans are laid out before me for the next season, and the next. Bring to me the true desires of my heart that were there as a child, help me discern how I can use those desires for Your Glory and for Your gain. Help me see that there is peace and joy and comfort when I walk with you in your ways. Give me the heart that sees the hurting around me and the needs that I can fill.
Give me the peace to know that sometimes you expect radical change, but that most of the time you are asking me to simply start SOMETHING for YOU. AMEN.

"I am with you"

2009-03-19T09:00:00.003-04:00

Matthew 28:20 "Surely, I am with you always."

There was a time in my life when I did not think of anything else but being pregnant and round and full of life within. I ached for a pregnancy like other women....women who knew the joy of holding their babies.... because at that time, I had not had such a privilege. My first three pregnancies ended in miscarriages. I was torn from the inside out with dispair. I was thankfully in a circle of loved ones who knew how to care for me. They gave me space, but surrounded me with support and love and tons of prayers.

Then my first full term pregnancy was littered with hormones, aches, illnesses and trauma. I felt battered from the process and thankful to still be holding a baby when the nine months was over. God did not feel very close, but he didn't feel far away either. I was in a strange place emotionally. Grief was everywhere....in my new babies cries and in my longing for what could have been....

My painful divorce shortly after that child, left what was a hole only God could fill. "I Am With You" became my anthem of a prayer in search for Him in every day.

Soon, a second chance at life and love was a joy like nothing I thought I would experience again. A joy felt through the pain, inspite of the pain, but not for long.

Another miscarriage immediately pushed me to bury the grief....all of it. Then, another unknown pregnancy and a very real miscarriage.... "No God!" I cried.... the flood gates began to open and shortly I felt some healing take place. Months went by and we discovered we were pregnant. I began to grieve my God would not continue to put me through the pain of bearing any more... pain.

Sonograms had begun to look good, but then a tear in the placenta appeared. I wept in the doctors office with the same sonogram technician who had seen all of my pregnancies. The office was mourning with me, but encouraging me that things could turn around. My neice's birthday party a few days later held the ultimate blow to my faith....I lost the baby. I lost the will to be a mother.... I didn't want to be near my family, but surrounded me for hours. My husband, I will never forget, through tears held my head in his hands and declared that he knew his eyes were not telling the whole story, but he was going to hold on to the Faith that God was going to give us a child, in fact, he was convinced that there was still a pregnancy. (No medical evidence to agree with him.) God held me...grieving

This picture was taken (believe it or not) with my second full term child who was delivered healthy. (This picture is at 8.2 months gestation.) The miscarriage I just spoke of...on my nieces birthday was a miscarriage but was not the end of that pregnancy. ???? The appointment to check on my uterus after that miscarriage was a double shock for EVERYONE! A small fetus had settled into a 12 week gestation baby.... the child lost would have been 4 weeks older than this baby, lost at 7.3 weeks.... HOW???

Believe it or not.... both children would have been lost if the first "fraternal" twin had continued to grow in my uterus. Yes, by a miracle, a had been pregnant with both babies at the time of the miscarriage. I had fraternal twins who were separated by several weeks and my doctor confirmed that this was possible but typically ended in difficultly to both the mom and the babies. He admittedly declared that some things were best left to Faith, and focused on securing this childs term to delivery. (Madisen Faith was beautiful.)

A few years later, God gave us Noah ~ plain & simple with no real worries or complications during gestation. (I posted about him earlier this month.)

God declared that He would always be with me. He didn't say I would sail through life without grieving, and He didn't promise a rose garden. In fact, he declared the opposite, in this life you will find sorrow....

The joy of this picture is far greater than parents ready for a new life. The joy of this picture is the miracle of JOY regardless of PAINFUL memories.... JOY in a life of Faith that results in knowing I can NEVER understand everything.... I don't need to .... I just need to ENJOY what is GOOD!

Joy to the Lord?

2009-03-18T22:12:00.001-04:00

"May the Lord's face radiate with joy because of you." Numbers 6:25

What may cause the Lord's face to radiate joy?

A humble heart returning home,

a thankful heart turned to heaven in private praise,

a young child smiling at the heavenly sky in wonder,

the young boy who deepens his love for God because a man spoke truth into his life,

a new mother and father moved to joyful tears at the face of a newborn,

a laughter between a mother and child in the midst of a regular day,

the time taken to answer (again) the toddlers questions that seem so small,

the sweet whispers near a dying loved one of the bliss they are walking through while the living hold their breath because angels fill the room,

the simple action of loving someone in need with no lecture,

a warm hug to a stranger in tears,

the warmth of a lovers kiss from your spouse with spontaneity,

a life.....any life given for the sake of others?

Can anything I do generate joy for the Lord?

I think more things than we think generate a glow of joy from our heavenly Father. Why else, would parents display such strength and passion in our pride for our children at the SLIGHTEST improvement, or effort they make with all their hearts!

May I make you my proud daddy God today. Amen

To Reach Greatness!

2009-03-17T16:56:00.000-04:00

I was listening to Moody Radio Fl today and then heard a few commercials. I turned down the radio and said a quick prayer just under my breathe, "why does it seem everyone has early registration discounts, God? There is never anything that I can just go to for free...." Sharply my mind bounced back...."Greatness requires Early Registration....to whom much is given, much is required..."

I reached in my brain archives, I could not recall ever hearing any one say that statement before. ?~ Did I just get a nugget of wisdom from God? Well, I googled the phrase and came back with nothing....

Hmmm!

Ok, so then I had to focus! Greatness, for the sake of greatness? That is NOT a God thing, but in the subject of my prayer....I was asking for something good without pre-thought or without costs. It does prove that God would not honor my desire to be lazy in that moment. So, the Word would agree that to find success, you must take risk and it will cost something. (Otherwise, why would you "count the cost"?)

I began to look deeper in my desires. I was merely thinking out loud that about how I must overthink and over-plan everything in order to find something worthwhile. I feel exhausted daily by the current planning just to make it through the week. Surely, God could understand and allow me the ability to receive something meaningful without such labor over details, right? But, the thought in my head, "Greatness requires early registration...." didn't say early payment? No, I was assuming that registration required money. So, maybe what God may require that I set out a plan but then work toward it.

Now, that still didn't answer my desire, but in a sense it did. I so often "stress forward." I tend to get caught up in stressing over details that are not yet apparent. Any level of success is an unknown. You don't know how successful something is until is materializes. Why should I become caught up in what will be? Focus on what is given to me, and investing it. Just invest. Just register......

One Year from the birth drama!

2009-03-14T17:46:00.001-04:00

Noah's first day with us was one year ago today.

I was almost unwilling to wait any longer for him to arrive! I am so glad that he was healthy and has such a perfect little face.

His arrival was not exactly how we expected. It was beautiful and quiet for the first two hours after his birth. We cuddled and enjoyed him so much. Soon things got crazy and nurses began to scurry around like squirrels. I do not want to go into detail but I remember thinking that "this can't be happening".... Several of my nurses were ministered to by my ability to keep them laughing though everyone was rushing to find out what was wrong with me and how to stop the course my body was on. I maintained in the back of my head that somehow this was a strange opportunity to show 12 very scared nurses (they admittedly said so after is was all over) that I was not afraid to die and was certainly not going to let them make decisions without my input. It was strange, but God gave me clarity on what was happening. I knew that it was serious. I knew that Asa and my mother and two children were outside very nervous. I also knew that Asa would have a great burden to bear if something did not go well. I also knew that my God loved me, and I was going to show these 12 women that this was not a time to second guess who was in charge. (I made them call the L&D charge nurse...LOL!)

After some very scary times and several hours of pain worse than natural childbirth....I knew and so did everyone else that everything would be fine.

That's when I cried as my husband held me in his arms. Our faith was put to the test on Noah's birth(day) and we had made it through!

In the last year I have thought about that day and the subsequent days of fighting for Noah's health as well. It is AMAZING how few people believe what they say they believe. I KNOW what I believe~! I KNOW that God is amazing and the author of our fate, the Alpha and Omega. I know that HE let me have this year....and will continue to allow me the honor of raising the children in my care... but they are all His.

I am just honored to be the one who gets graced by their smiles, sticky fingers, dirty feet, runny noses and sometimes I get to see God's fingerprints come through in sweet tender moments of truth spoken by children.

I am honored to be a mom.
I am even more honored to be a mom who can cart them places and go play at school or the playground with them in the middle of the day!
I don't always enjoy this honor, but I always cherish the ability to have children, healthy children, who are not in a hospital, who are not starving, who are blessed just like me.

Bad Day or Bad Circumstances?

2009-03-12T17:55:00.000-04:00

All bad things do not come in the same package.

I often think about the "bad things" that tend to happen to me. But I also think about how I can allow one bad thing to ruin my day or I can understand that in the course of a day, circumstances may present a bad situation. I choose what to do about it.

Choice 1: Grumble and complain or bottle up that anger and assume that bad things always happen to me.

Choice 2: Try to find the blessing despite the "bad".... yes, this is really hard sometimes! When we have a day like the picture....( the driver of the truck was not injured) and we deal with something terrible because someone ELSE made a choice. Even when we reach for a life that is no longer with us. We can decide to look for the positive things to encourage us through the situations.

I hope and pray that every day I learn to grab more of the truth of choice 2. I pray that my children see my choices and learn from them. Maybe they will see that it's ok to not like what some circumstances bring but we can always find something in our life to smile about. I can always smile about them or the silly things they say! :)

The blues

2009-03-09T22:50:00.000-04:00

I can't help but sometimes get a feeling that the BLUES are trying to sneak up on me....

It's a good thing I know who makes the sun shine every day!

My (almost) 4 yr old helps remind me every day! Today, in the midst of tears (from having to clean her room) she started singing her own song...."Jesus can make every thing alright, oh Jesus come make my room alright, I said, God can love me in a messy room...." It trailed out of comprehension after that part!!!

Gotta Love the life god gives each of us!

Mom thoughts...family adoption....

2009-03-07T17:14:00.000-05:00

I have had the joy of being a mom to children who could possibly be the best and the worst children. I love them dearly!

Today we celebrated my son's 7th birthday. The oldest child turned 13 this year...soon to be 14. I birthed the 7 year old but have felt the same love for the 13 yr old on their birthday. Which has made me ponder this week, how God must have designed it all.
As a mother, real motherly love can be given to anyone once you know how to find it. I mean, I know that unimaginable love I have for my child when the labor pains are over and a flood of emotions are rushing in on you. I also know that same sweet joy that builds over time with an 'adopted' child that equals the same love for a birthed child.

Adoption either physical or emotional is very much a choice though. I could choose to not open my heart to any other child but 'mine'. Some can make that choice from the beginning without really contemplating all that they will miss. There are always choices....

I have known people who will never accept a child as "family" unless they were "birthed" into that family the traditional way. It saddens me greatly now that I know the joy of the rewards. I know that those same people have the ability to love others, and do, they may even love the "unacceptable" family members to a degree. But in their hearts, those people never really see those children as "family" instead they view them as outsiders who are on the inside. (Waiting to be loved.)

God choose me. He decided to send His son, to make the "exchange" to adopt me into His "family"! The Bible describes the love of a Father who adopted us in a way that we don't deserve...we are the outsiders, but He makes us heirs to His throne, just as we were all the first born blessed son. WOW

I have the privilege of understanding His grace, and therefore I must return it by trying to show it to others. Mainly my children need to see His forgiveness, willingness to Love anyone and the compassion Christ showed others....in me!
My children are not unlike all children... they see through the crap! If I pretend to love the homeless but my kids never see me give love to them....they will know I am a fraud. The same with a child who is not completely accepted into a family. Those children (anyone's child) can and will be hurt by the hypocrisy.

I can only pray that my life can continue to reflect to them that I love each of them with a Godly love, and though I make mistakes, I am selfish more than I wish I was, and even though I can fall.....they see my desire to humble myself before God and I am transparent enough that they each know how very much I love them....I want the best for them and I will sacrifice anything in order so that they may learn just how much the Father really loves them too! I also pray for people who don't understand the Grace they can receive in Jesus. For the people who can't find it in their own hearts to love each of my children with the same Christ Love that they deserve. Father God in heaven, be with the hurting adults who have in turn hurt others, care for them where they are and heal their hearts the way only you can; help them to see that we are all the same sinners in need of your Saving Grace. Thank you for saving my life. Amen.

Y M C A .... Today's challenge

2009-03-05T21:43:00.000-05:00

I first must say I love my YMCA for many reasons! The staff that help care for my kids have grown so attached to them over the last four years. They have watched them grow, come into this world and helped them attack new things in life like sharing, coloring, playdough, and walking. The compassion as an overall feature in the YMCA organization is well respected. Anyone should donate any thing they can to this organization.

Having said that, there are some fun quirks about my local Y. Such as, it is located in the heart of a community that is generally retired and in need of social activities. Our Y entertains line dancing, chair aerobic exercise and tons of classes adapted just for our seniors.

The funniest thing I grow impatient to is the typical way 'they' (yes, I am generalizing for the sake of space) sit or squat on equipment and just slow down everyone elses workout. Typically they work out as fast as they drive. (Depending on the driver, this is dangerous as fast or slow!)

Today, while working out I was noticing several people around me. I noticed that I was apparently irritating one of our senior members by working out with my husband. So, I took notice of what else was going on, to see if I could correct something. You know, I realized that even though my sets and my husbands sets were getting done with only using one bench....this person continued to look at us....you know, that Look your grandmother gave you when she didn't approve!

Later, on the Precor Elliptical Crosstrainer it made sense. This person who appeared to be passing judgement on me was looking at who they think I am. Just like, I assume that everyone there over 65 is like one of my grandparents!
I am wrong? I mean, my observations and opinions are from over 4 years of actual interaction...some of them the same people from 4 years ago! So, how can my irritation from THEM be the same as judgement????

Yeah, I knew in my heart that I was wrong. That I was not loving them when I passed judgement on them.
The Holy Spirit (I know) spoke to my heart...."what if that WAS your grandmother, only months after she lost her only love of her life, the person who spent every day with her for over 50 years.....what if her stare is because she lost what she sees in your eyes....."

My heart sank...... oh, God, why are you such an incredible God of humility....the God who loves me enough to ask me to change?
I love my husband with all of my heart, he oftens drives me crazy, sometimes drives me to tears, but none the less there is nothing but love for him..... My love for him is grounded in my Love from Christ.

Am I loving these people with the same love that has grounded me to commit to my husband?

I Corinthians 13:13 "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Lord, help me to be more understanding. Let me see a glimpse of the reality that others go through as I pass by them each day. Any one around me can be hurting beyond my imagination. Allow me to be more sensitive to their needs....but mostly to what you would have me say and do. Less of me Lord, and more of you... let my mouth not say anything unless it comes from you and let my heart find your compassion to reach out and love. Anyone. Any time. Amen.

Popularity vs Being a Slave to Christ?

2009-03-03T13:33:00.000-05:00

The Message Bible, Galations 1

6-9"I can't believe your fickleness—how easily you have turned traitor to him who called you by the grace of Christ by embracing a variant message! It is not a minor variation, you know; it is completely other, an alien message, a no-message, a lie about God. Those who are provoking this agitation among you are turning the Message of Christ on its head.

Let me be blunt: If one of us—even if an angel from heaven!—were to preach something other than what we preached originally, let him be cursed. I said it once; I'll say it again: If anyone, regardless of reputation or credentials, preaches something other than what you received originally, let him be cursed.
10-12Do you think I speak this strongly in order to manipulate crowds? Or curry favor with God? Or get popular applause? If my goal was popularity, I wouldn't bother being Christ's slave. Know this—I am most emphatic here, friends—this great Message I delivered to you is not mere human optimism. I didn't receive it through the traditions, and I wasn't taught it in some school. I got it straight from God, received the Message directly from Jesus Christ. "

Wait a minute......

As I was reading Galations 1, it appears that I must have missed something. So, I opened up the Message Translation to get a more modern look at it. I was rightfully in awe! Paul was serious about speaking out against manipulating Christ's message!

What would Paul say about the Western Churches that we find all across America? Would he be pleased that they are preaching the message he was commissioned to preach? Would he speak this same sermon in Gal 1 to all of us? Are we to blame for not seeking Christ as Paul did?

I love to read Paul's sermons for the reason that I can never really imagine the live that he lived but that I can understand all of his letters. I often wonder how he can relate so to the modern era. Then, I grab a hold of this nugget, and realize that we (Americans) really are led to the slaughter by whoever sounds better. Paul is calling back those that he preached the Gospel to and expecting them to be accountable to the God who gave them salvation through Christ. To my ears and heart, this passage rings loudly to the host of church leaders across this country who, unlike Paul, yearn for the popularity versus really being a slave to Christ.

How does this affect me and you? Well, friends, Paul is asking us to return to the TRUTH of Christs message. Can you declare the statement that Paul says brought him to the mission field? Did you learn the ways of man, did you receive Christ through traditions or seminary? Or did you have a personal encounter with Christ himself who met you somewhere on an abandoned path in your life? Did you find a savior when you called out to God?

I would challenge myself, and also challenge you to reconnect with the Christ who met you in the depths of your humility! Find the Truth about who you claim to serve in the Word of God....the living breathing Life that Christ died for was YOU.....Have you left the Biblical Theology to others to discover for you OR do you know Christ's Call on your life because He has spoken to you PERSONALLY through his Word?

Be transformed by the personal encounter of calling on God and having Him met you right were you are! Read the Gospel of Jesus, read the Sermons of Paul in Galations and see what a real apostle (called by God) says about Christ's Call to us!

Lord, may you reach those that have been led to believe in the twisted lies of man....of generations of misled people who intended to gain popularity for the sake of Christ; instead of committing to be a slave for Christ and allowing Jesus to save the masses. Forgive this land of unbelieve that has left a nation crumbled in disobedience that was once held by God as blessed. Father, restore us to you, simply allow the 'crisis' of this nation to bring us humbly to your truths that may set us free. Continue to bring me to a place where I am able to be trained by leaders around me and yet still seek God's personal message to me so that I may not be led astray by those who seek to manipulate. Thank you for your living and breathing messages in the teachings in the Bible that reach me, touch my heart and give me an understanding of your amazing love for me. Amen ~

Cold Water???

2009-03-01T15:01:00.000-05:00

Apparently, children do not care how cold water is when they want to go swimming! If anyone has experienced this same phenom they would agree. Kids set their mind around going swimming and they decide to grin and bare it!

I took my little girl who is almost four to the beach yesterday. Definitely cold for the Tampa Bay, the water was in the low 70's. Chilly for me and most lurking about the small beach we visited. My little one dived right in. She just knew that bigger people would look out for her, but she wanted to brave the chilly water long enough to say that she did it!

In my heart are desires that I know God has smiled upon, so while He is watching out for me.....will I trust him enough to run after my dreams?????

The question belongs to each of us! We must trust that our dreams propel us to only when we choose to act on them. Make choices to sometimes enjoy the life God has blessed us with. After all, we are right were He knew we would be!?!

Lord, lead me...but give me the understanding that YOU desire me to enjoy this journey - cold water and all - you desire me to laugh, love and Give. A cheerful heart must come from the joy of living this life while You oh Lord are in ultimate control. May I be a cheerful giver, and LIVE this life with the joy you promised. And remember that my Father in Heaven has declared good over my life! --- Amen ----

ho·meo·sta·sis?

2009-02-23T21:58:00.000-05:00

Homeostasis - noun : a relatively stable state of equilibrium or a tendency toward such a state between the different but interdependent elements or groups of elements of an organism, population, or group.

The aquarium photo is one of our home tanks. The inhabitants love this natural sandy crushed limestone substrate and the aquatic plants provide a stabilizing eco-structure. The equilibrium in this tank is reached but must be maintained by someone. Of course, we are hobbiest and so my husband takes much care in being that person. We are close to the tanks creatures & pay close attention. We notice when the enviroment begins to change in a positive or negative way.

Do people tell you when they see a positive or negative change in your overall life? Do your closest friends help keep you balanced or do they tend to keep you off balance?

Within my personal life, God has been showing me that I am not maintaining the Healthy Balance of ALL the 'groups of elements' that make my life complete. The healthy lifestyle of diet & exercise is great but when not with an equivalent spiritual balance there is not homeostasis. God is also showing me that He has people who love me around me to help guide me back to "stable"! To show me my sins of selfishness and remind me to carry my burdens to the one who can stabilize my inner workings to function as He designs.

Galatians 6 The Message Bible
Nothing but the Cross
"1-3 Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.
4-5Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.
6Be very sure now, you who have been trained to a self-sufficient maturity, that you enter into a generous common life with those who have trained you, sharing all the good things that you have and experience.
7-8Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.
9-10So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith." (bold is my emphasis)

How can I become out of balanced? Well, for me it is simply by becoming focused if even temporarily on the things that seem to matter at that moment but really have no bearing on the eternal. This passage in Galations seems to say it best. Let us work on the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in faith. Why? Maybe so that as we grow, those that are near us are growing as well to keep us in balance.

Of course, this is my interpretation of the balance I need to find in my life. I believe that all things are balanced based on our inner "tilt". If we have a tilted view of who God is, then all of our outer & physical lives will be to counter that view - good or bad.

My view of God is becoming more balanced as I meditate more in the Word that describes him best. Now, I just need to keep a check on the physical enviroment that tends to negatively OR positively affect my self-image. For how I see MYSELF in the image of God...will ultimately determine how I treat myself and those around me.

God help me to maintain a homeostatic enviroment to ultimately be able to best fulfill the plan you have for me. The plan that I know requires me to help others for your glory. I lay down my pain and my burdens, my self-loathing, my pride, and my inability to see who YOU are IN me. Forgive me Lord for my unrighteousness, and fill me with your compassion and love for myself but more inportantly others around me. Start a new work in me, but let me finish the work you would have me do here on Earth. In Christ's Arms, Amen.

Needle & Thread Repair Kit

2009-02-18T15:20:00.000-05:00

I was left to the work of a mom today. The work of trying to repair a stuffed animal is somewhat typical in our home, but not today's job! Today, set before me a poodle...who will remain nameless...with no ears, holes in the body & whom had been 'shaved' in spots no poodle could imagine. (Funny, but sad at the same time!)

As I began this project with my mobile toy hospital kit (stitching kit to any other women). I did what any crafter does and looked for the perfect thread, needle and so on. Attacking this project has been on my to do list for over a month. I realized once I got started that there were MANY more holes to repair than I had first noticed. Anyway, long story but it was such a long surgery! Each patch revealed a new little snip or 'scissor accident' that was unnoticed. The total ended up at two ears chopped off, shaved fur off head & body and NINE holes!

God spoke quietly to my heart as I asked God how to explain this poor little dog to the child owners. See, the owner of this dog didn't know that one of the siblings decided to 'groom' it with kid scissors. I prayed for patience and guidance. God showed me HIS patience with me.

1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins. He is faithful and just to forgive us
our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

He gently holds me when I have done wrong. He cuddles me and will sometimes wait a period of time to allow our tears to slow, but He will always cleanse us from the unrighteousness. The Message Bible says it like this:

"On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean breast of them—he
won't let us down; he'll be true to himself. He'll forgive our sins and
purge us of all wrongdoing."

Purging is not a pleasant thought. But patching that poor poodle wasn't exactly a walk in the park. Regardless, when I am not faithful and when I make big mistakes...He lovingly (sometimes painfully) repairs the damage I have caused. I only need to come clean and turn in my mess!

Lord, give me the strength to turn in my mess and let you repair the damage. I am thankful that you are faithful to forgive me of my sins. Give me the patience to make teachable moments out of these simple childhood lessons. Continue to show me the dept of your love for me as my heavenly Daddy God. Amen.

2 Cor 9:8 Thoughts

2009-02-17T19:45:00.000-05:00

These last couple of days has been wierd regarding money in the house. Because we have some set aside to take care of the daunting tasks that have laid undone...now that time is upon us when we have enough (for a moment it seems) to take care of these repairs.

I have questioned God's plan in all this & why does it seem so easy and so hard to spend money on needed items. In the case of our van; the van itself was supplied directly from God in telling someone to give it to us...debt free. So, why do I fret over how much it will cost now (months later) to fix a few things.

Then the verse. 2 Corinthians 9:8 (New
Living Translation) "And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will
always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with
others."

As it said in the whole context (NASB) Verses
8-11 "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always
having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good
deed; 9as it is written, "HE SCATTERED ABROAD, HE GAVE TO THE
POOR, HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS ENDURES FOREVER."
10Now He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness; 11you will be enriched in everything for all liberality, which through us is producing thanksgiving to God."

Ok, really! So I must confess my lack of faith that God would supply what I needed?? BUT I DO TRUST GOD...HE HAS SUPPLIED ME WITH WHAT I NEEDED...WE TITHE, WE GIVE OFFERINGS, WE GIVE WHENEVER GOD ASKS...then it hit me! I do that stuff, and yet still can not imagine that this God loves me enough to continue to provide my needs AND the needs of others! Then the context of the idea that He declares that I will have enough AND an abundance left over to bless any situation that presents itself to me through the Spirit.

I hope my realization makes sense to you, because I was struggling to understand: how can I live on this (small) budget that we live on - MAKING it work, yet somewhere there is still doubt. I realized that what I was considering holding back from the prompting of God to give in order to pay for repairs, well, I was HOLDING BACK. I know that there are a long list of repairs more than the van but I also felt uncomfortable with the unkown. (i.e. how much do I need...where will the other come from...can I afford to give extra beyond my comfort...)

I have to trust this verse, because the other verses have rung true in my life. God has taken care of the unknown when I trust him. OUCH, I learned about another area in my life that I thought I had turned over to Him that wasn't completely His yet.

This passage reminds me that my seed (offering good will/deeds/money) in good ground will continue to produce MORE THAN ENOUGH harvest to do what he wants to and He will provide for my cares.

Lord, Help me to understand that you are a loving God. That you do in fact love me enough to produce a harvest with my seeds that will be like the little boys lunch, and provide for others in enough that I can still have some. Lord help me to have the mentality of the little boy with the fish...willing to sacrifice for others and see that You will take care of me. AMEN.

"But Take Heart..."

2009-02-10T13:07:00.000-05:00

The dedication plaque that was recovered from the World Trade Center...picture taken while at the New York memorial wall in 2006.

John 16:33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Jesus gave the disciples a clear image of reality that this world would do them harm...much harm would come to those who pursue the cause of Christ because the world first rejected Christ.

Reading this chapter today, I was reminded of the reality of the terror that has been happening all over the world. We have only been briefly touched by such tragedy. Jesus declared in John 16 that there would come a day...16:1-3 "a time is coming when anyone who kills you will think he is offering a service to God. They will do such things because they have not known the Father or me." Jesus warned the disciples that harm would be done, their deaths would be offered up as a service to god. I have no choice but to hear the words of terrorist or leaders such as Iranian President Mahmouhd Ahmenajad ring in my head. But, then I listen to the rest of the chapter and hear the verse 33 with a sigh. "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart..." Jesus has ALREADY overcome the world. He will not take away the trouble, because this world still belongs to the sin. But I belong to Him who has overcome all evil.

I must remember that the Word of God reveals the truth to us so that we will NOT be in worry or fret over what MAY happen. The Word of God wants us to be aware of the times, know that our God has given us the signs of the times to instead be READY and be at PEACE with what He has in store. I can choose to be in the peace provided. God provided the answers to staying in peace with Eph 6:13-18.

"Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out."

Lord help me take up my cross and follow you and teach me to walk in the spirit so that I may have the fruit of the spirit to guide me. Help me to use the weapon of the Word of God on the enemies plan and not my fellow man. Renew in me the right spirit to pray hard and for those who walk beside me in this life of trouble. Allow me to bind together with others of like minds to inspire one another. Thank you Lord for your reminders, may I remain humble in following your will. Amen

Revolve Revelation

2009-02-09T09:00:00.000-05:00

We attended the Revolve tour in Orlando this weekend with friends. The entire group was more like 65 but I was attending because my sister was a part of the larger group. There were a lot of things to pull away from that weekend. I was most impressed with the Psalms Natalie Grant repeated to the girls throughout her talk.

Psalms 139:13-16 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
'I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

I can know by looking at the unpoluted portions of this earth that God's hand creates master pieces. Now, Natalie Grant didn't expand on it more than to acknowledge God's fingerprints on our life. But, I heard the deep undertones of the recently released song by Audrey Assad called "Known". It relates to how deeply God understands us because as the verse states, he formed us in our inner depths. I am not hidden from God and yet He has written and ordained my days.

Since, God has ordained the days set before me before even one of those days came to be, then I am exactly where he wants me to be today. All the mess of my past may have been painful but will come together to create the character, the mission and the purpose of my life. What more could I ask for? The bad things, the good things, they will all have meaning because of where he is leading me. Just like this weekend, there is meaning in the promise of the future.

God, help me to continue to be a leader of men to YOU, and teach me to lead by serving you. I pray for this generation that includes my children, but I also pray for my generation. Lord, we have a long way to go to reach our potential and to reach our peers. We need you in our businesses and world so that as the next generation comes to exit high school there is a primed world for them to minister. Thank you for the opportunity to attend a weekend with my daughter, sister, niece and great friends. Be real to those girls who attended long after the good feelings leave and life returns. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen.

Files??

2009-02-07T09:10:00.000-05:00

I knew the minute I saw Noah drawn to the filing cabinet that this could be a recipe for disaster. God spoke to me in the moments I grabbed my camera.
"The willing heart of a child to do ANYTHING just to be near a parent was created for our relationship with the Lord."

Wow I thought, God that is great, but I don't understand? Aren't you always with me? Don't I long to be near you? What are you saying to me?

See, Noah is willing to do ANYTHING while he waits for me...WAIT.. WHAT...??

Noah desires to me in my presence and will do anything he can to stay busy while he waits for me. He knows that I am only going to be a minute and then I can play, so he waits.

Ok, so you are probably getting it, but sometimes when I hear God it's like the Charlie Brown's teachers voice. It didn't all sink in until about a day later. Sad, I know, but true.

I need to keep doing His works, the things that I know He approves of while I wait for the "big plan". He will provide Grace to me, as it declares in 2 Corinthians 9:8 "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." He will even give me all I need!! He has already shown me what He cares about with the example of Jesus.

I need to remember that any good work I put my hands to while I am with him will bear fruit. John 15:5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

I need to know that He will do what He said He would do. Philipians 1:6 "There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears." (The Message Bible)

As my 11 month old waits patiently with a smile while he does something he knows he has seen me do. God is so amazing that he allows us to call to Him as little children. He even allows the small things to speak dramatic message to my heart of just what he expects of me. "Love one another...do what you have seen me do..."

Noah waits with a smile and cheerful heart as I pay bills, and take care of household business. So I too must abide in my Fathers presence while I toil at the everyday works He has called me to and yet be ready when He calls for me to come dance with Him or pray or speak of His goodness to others.

Lord, Thank you for your insight into the heart of who you are. You speak so loudly to us about such soft things. I am grateful that I can afford the ability to play with my children as they grow. I am so blessed to call myself a mother to such healthy children. Continue to use them to teach me about your Love. I pray that you will help me remember how simple it should be to follow after you and wait for your leading. Amen

Tent Of Meeting - Ex 40:34

2009-02-05T11:56:00.000-05:00

Exodus 40:34 "Then the cloud covered the tent of meeting, and the glory of the LORD filled the tabernacle. 35And Moses was not able to enter the tent of meeting because the cloud settled on it, and the glory of the LORD filled the tabernacle. "

The Glory of the Lord is not just an Old Testament ideology. I believe that Moses had the first Tent Revivals with all the glory of the Lord but without the circus the "western church" seems to need. The bible tells me that the spirit of the Lord should dwell in the place He is praised, where a body comes to worship. I believe that in some places across this globe in recent days people have been able to experience the true power of the glory of God. I wonder if anyone in "today's church" would consecrate the building, the priests/pastors or even the furniture as this Old Testament Tent 'Revivals'? It seems that the Catholics go through the motions of 'cleansing' without seeing the cloud of the glory of the Lord (in most cases). Yet, in the churches that seem to have the fire of God that is described to be on the tabernacle at night those places sometimes forget to fear the Lord's presence and commit deep sins within the church.

I can not create the Lord's cloud of glory nor would I need to. I should be careful to fear the Lord as Moses did and understand that with His presence comes too much power to have an ego about it all. I believe that the current inhabitance of the Holy Spirit in my life can give me the direction I need. However, I wonder if I shouldn't come to realize that there comes a time to repent and consecrate myself for His glory to fall with enough power that I am not able to move until the power of God lifts.

I should be doing whatever I can to remind myself that "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" as in Ro 3:23. In this, I will find a humble spirit and hopefully remember that I am not worthy yet God did more than just inhabit a tent for me, He sent His son to die the ultimate death for me. I should be grateful and pray for the leaders of my church, so that they too may consecrate themselves in humbly before our God.

Lord, Direct my paths with your presence and keep my heart in a state of confession to consecrate myself before you so that you may live through me and dwell in with power in my life.

My Faith...in 4D

2009-02-05T01:06:00.000-05:00

I wanted to open this blog with an insight about me. I have been pregnant many times (we'll just say more than 3!) and birthed 3 beautiful little babies. I am learning that technology can not always prepare us or help us with the childbirthing experience. Nor can all the technology in the world replace the sight of your newborn baby finding it's way to the world. As a mom, women and child of God, I am constantly unprepared for this wonder of the world. A Miracle.

Such is my faith...unprepared for the trials but a miracle of Hope that springs forth from within me.

I choose this picture because it has captured the idea of my faith in 4D! 4D is the technology that has in most situations allows parents to see their child's actual face so that you can see their little features. Of course, Noah could not be still long enough for our poor technician to capture a still image on film. We did see Noah smile at us, wave and could make out his adorable little face, but were unable to have an image to last a lifetime. Only memories...sweet memories. For medical reasons, the images 4D provided cleared the original cause for concern and we were swept away with emotions.

Today riding in the van, my 6 year old son asked about the 'rising with wings like eagles' he heard in a song. I recited Is 40:31 "but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles;they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." He was not amazed by the verse or my ability to memorize, but I began to cry at the craziness that has been this week. If you took a 'still image' of my day yesterday it would have been blurry with motion and not a clear picture of the Faith I profess.

So, I realized in thinking about pictures this morning that for someone to see my Faith, they can not try to take a still image of it. My observation then turned to the reality that in order to wait on the Lord, I may have to actually run...or walk for a long time...and thus, the verse provided me with a comforting Peace. "...not be weary.."

My Faith is in motion...like taking breaths...but let me not grow weary. I must continue to pursue His Cause and move as fast or as slow as life demands, and let God worry about the images people see.

My prayer is that I will remember to seek God for the rest I need as in Matthew 11: 28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”